Oh, Honey, I'm so sad reading your story, partly sad for you and partly because the essence of what you're writing is what I face, too. The obvious next step is to want to be physically intimate with the person you're in love with. Why is that so complicated???
I just don't understand why something so simple and natural has to be such an ordeal. <sigh>
Bf and I had a beautiful day yesterday. Had family and friends over, great food (he cooked), fire in the fireplace, candles around the room, dog sleeping on the rug... everyone so contented and happy... and when they all left, we cuddled on the sofa in front of the fire and went over the day. There wasn't ONE SPECK of anything sexual about our being together. To me that would have been the perfect end to a perfect day. As it was... we went to bed together, spooned naked as usual... but nothing.
I didn't want to initiate. The other day we had tried and he lost the E and it led to a long and unpleasant discussion. I didn't want to Go There Again. I'm starting to feel aversive about getting into bed with him.
It's like he's saying (maybe your H too) "she's not going to GET to me!"
Why can't it be something simple and natural? (Rhetorical question.)
