I feel another talk coming on. I have been in Friend Mode all week long and H is crumbling. I am not doing it purposely, or to try and elicit a certain response from him I SWEAR, I just do not have it in me to do anymore. I am disappointed and I need time to lick my wounds and then I'll be ready to deal with his sh*t again.
It's hard, too, cause by now he is horny and will gladly hang all over me, thinking that it sounds pretty good and will get me 'happy' again. What sucks is that he is probably right!
But I do not get this VIP treatment unless I'm pissed off at him. Otherwise he just rolls along and does not think of sex. I am at the point today where I am asking myself repeatedly, Can I live my life with a man who does not think of sex?
The stakes are pretty high to just say, No way! He and the kids are, quite literally, my whole life at this point. I am a very content and happy person with my current station in life. I want to look back on these days with fondness.
More thoughts bubbling around in my brain.....
It just occurred to me that H is breaking a bad habit. To do that, he will need...what?...six weeks I think the experts say?...in which to fully break the habit and form a new one. Am I expecting too much to think that two weeks of him making an effort is enough to be 'cured', so to speak?
Should I have been encouraging him along at the first sign of backsliding? Should I make comments along the lines of "you were doing so good, let's keep it going!" Man, I really do NOT want to be a coach, I want to be a partner, but I am willing to do this if it would help. Look, I WANT my husband to succeed. I don't particularly care for the way things are right now. But I have my own integrity to think about too and I don't want to cross the line between helping him and totally selling myself out, causing resentment.
It irks me to think that I have to remind or coach him to be sexual with me. I'm his WIFE for petes sakes.
And......I'd like him to open his frickin eyes and SEE me. To not block me out cause he's not feeling sexual. Is he so dense that he honestly doesn't realize when I'm making a bid for attention? LD people feel free to chime in on that one. If you really do not notice, I can deal with that. If it is done because he's not "in the mood" that will sting. I would NEVER reject him in that way.
Man, thoughts are zinging around like crazy today. I wish I had the balls to blatantly seduce him all the time. My fear is this: If he doesn't notice or care about the small seductions, and it crushes me, how much more will it hurt when he does it on a big one? Folks, he WILL do that. Do I have enough HOM-icity to handle this? (see Andy you are not the only one with five dollar words:)
However, even I admit that with that approach I'd be successful more often than not (probably much more often) and would get to see his desire, hopefully.
Gotta stop drinking coffee and get back to more simpler tasks, such as making Santa pictures with cotton ball beards. That won't get my mind so riled up.
Thanks for your words, NOP. I'll let you know what H has to say.
P.S. Please tell the missus that I used one of her lines on H last weekend and it was quite effective. She's a smart one!
