Sorry to hear you feel a bit burned by that one C...but remember you can't judge everybody by one person. Give another C a chance, and make sure to find one you are comfortable with...that's the key. I think you'll find it will make a big difference in how you feel about yourself.
If you get one bad haircut, you don't write off all hairdressers, do you? Or one bad plumber? Or one bad dog groomer?
Over the past 25 or so years, I've been to several therapists. Some were better than others. One I went to every other week for about seven years. I went because I wanted to resolve some life issues and be happier. Therapy isn't like having your house covered with aluminum siding where you do it once and you never have any maintenance.
It's more like playing the piano or gardening, where there's always a certain minimum level of work to be done, interspersed with periods of intense work and relaxed enjoyment of the fruits of your labor.
I think of all the counselors I've been to the one my bf and I are going to now is the most brilliant. She is absolutely clean to work with. She sees into the heart of things and conveys this with minimal comments. She's like sparkling club soda. I never feel her "issues" intruding-- very differentiated and professional. I never feel like I have to take care of her or protect her from my feelings, which can be an obstacle... people desperately want their therapists to like them so they hold back on the stuff they think is too "bad" to report, thus defeating the purpose.
(Sidebar: A girlfriend of mine was having serious trouble in her marriage and she had a brief affair. She never told the therapist about the affair because she was afraid of what the therapist would think of her! To me that's simply not getting your money's worth! That's like going to the doctor for a really bad cough and not telling him that you smoke two packs a day because you don't want to be judged by him! But I (as usual) digress...)
So give another counselor a chance, and if you don't like him/her find another. How long did it take you to find a hairdresser you really liked??
H-O-N-E-E-E-E... come and take back your thread from the pirate-hijackers of the carribbean....
Annette wrote: --------------- He was away visiting his mother... ---------------
This gave me an idea (yea, I know, a dangerous situation).
Maybe you could arrange for him to be away for a few hours while you had a hired hand help you move both beds into the same room.
You could treat it enthusiastically as a big surprise, just for him! Now all of you (dogs included) can sleep together!
He might get mad, but it would stir the waters a bit :-) It would also show him as an ass if he moved his bed (or yours) back out of its new abode. I figure that the man has a least some pride and might choose not to be an ass regarding an 'honest' attempt to solve a problem.
Just an idea.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
LOL, nice suggestion, but both beds won't fit into one room
I have thought maybe I would just go sleep in his bed with him. One of the problems is he snores really really bad and it wakes me up sometimes even being in a diff room. I had in the past woke him up to get him to stop, then he would be awake and neither of us would get any sleep. This is another thing he refuses to get checked. Maybe this weekend I will sleep in his bed with him, see what happens
annette, I am in a similar situation as you are in. My W prefers to have sex infrequently. I would like to "put it in" frequently.
Sleep in your bed most of the night to get some sleep and not damage your hearing when H snores. Go to his bed about 1 hour before you and he normally get up and start to spoon. Of course, have a BARE minimun of clothing on. You might have to do this a couple of times before anything happens. The schedule theme applies here too. Do it every xyz day. If you two have been asexual for a while, it might take a while for him and/or you to even get used to spooning. I do not know how far things will go for you.
Anyway, the above seems to work for me but the seperat bedrooms and dogs have been for 5 years. No ED, opposite for me, too much wood. Other issues for W and me inhibit together time.
To the hottie with the shower massager addiction :
While in bed with your H as he snores, try stroking the "bull's horn". If it wakes him up, pull your hand away and act like you are asleep. (He might think his own hard-on woke him up.) He'll be faced with the choice of doing something about it or going back to sleep. If it's the first, you win! If he goes back to sleep, do the same thing when he begins snoring again. Eventually, he'll have to face up to his "stimulation".
(The other option I just considered is that he'll get an erection without waking up. If so, insert Tab A into Slot B and see how far you can get before he wakes up. )
Mike - reminding all that there is NO limit to the creativity/depravity of the HDM mind
While sitting in the Center chair today, I really started thinking and analyzing the events of last week. How did we go from being passionate to nothing, I wondered. More specifically, what role did I play in it?
What I realized was this: When H started being passionate, I drank it in. Loved it and loved him. Like a thirsty person at a well, I continued to drink and drink and didn't stop to give anyone else. Meaning, I did not return the passion to him. I didn't spontaneously show HIM signs of desire. I just drank it in, from him. When he showed it to me, I was grateful and playful and warm...don't get me wrong...but I didn't reciprocate at a different time.
I wonder if this has anything to do with it?
My H does not like for me to do things like this. He likes to be in control of this type of interaction, for some reason. (whereas everywhere else he is content to let me lead..?) So I don't really do it, aside from an occasional funny innuendo type comment.
But I think that he needs me to do this once in a while in order to remind HIM to do it. MrsNOP does this sound right?
Here are my unadulterated feelings on that matter, before I've had time to let the dust settle on these thoughts. I hate it. I don't want to be the pursuer of the relationship; I want to be pursued. I want a MAN. I don't want to have to seduce him, quite frankly it doesn't work in terms of turning him on, it would just let him know what the expectations were and then he'd be sure to not let me down that evening. In the mood I am in today, I'm not sure if this is enough! I want him to be aware of me, not solely as his companion and as a mother, but as his lover. This is, in his own words, the last thing he thinks about. What do I DO with that knowledge? How do I work with it?
The only thing I could come up with was to give subtle signs of desire to him, in order to jolt him out of his stupor. Did I mention I hate this?? If we had a normal, functioning sexual relationship I'd do it every day, every chance I got. However...the knowledge that I am having to do it to remind him to fake desire for me, well, that's just puke yuck and blech. I don't want to have to remind him to desire me!!!!!!!!!!! Wtf is the matter with him?
Ok, now I'm really getting carried away. Honeypot's on one of her benders again, folks. Take cover. lol
He is gone this evening, taking D5 out on a date. I am glad for the break from him, I'm having difficulty HOM in his presence.
Anyway, I'm going back and forth tonight. Wanting to find ways that I can influence our interactions and wanting to do things differently if they are not working. Otoh, I do not find the idea of pursuing him appealing--I want to feel like a woman and be appreciated and desired and cherished. I don't want to have to do these things to him in order to remind him to reciprocate. I show my love to him in SO many ways that are meaningful to him; I can't stomach the thought of having to do MORE to remind him to give back.
However, today is not the day to bring it up. 18 people were let go at his job and I know that he is internally panicking. So I'll play it as cool as I can.
Oh and Lillie, I do not think that my H is selfish. We ML at least 3 times per week and this is solely because he wants me to be happy. He is an outstanding husband in (almost) every sense of the word--I sat the other day and tried to think of anything else that I would change about him (presuming I could) and I couldn't think of anything! He's great. So that's why I said I sound selfish...cause he's a wonderful man and I am concentrating on the ONE area in our marriage in which he doesn't excel and giving him endless amounts of grief about it. I wish I could stop myself and be happy with what he gives me. I mean that sincerely and not in any kind of self-absorbed and manipulative way.
HP, How about giving Mr.HP another set of 3x5 cards to go along with his "Suggested Compliments" set? You could call it "What Makes Me Tick", or if you really want to get to him, "What Every Good Catholic Boy Should Do".
Included in the cards could be: - After greeting the kids upon coming home, sweep me into your arms, grab my a$$ and say, "I can't wait to get you alone!" - Approach me in the kitchen from behind, reach under my shirt, fondle my breasts and press yourself into me whispering in my ear, "Wow! You are one hot woman! I want to (verb) your (noun)!" - After putting the kids to bed, join me on the couch and, without saying a word, rip my pants off for a "snack" - Pick me up, carry me into the bedroom and throw me on the bed saying, "I need you NOW!" Then have your way with me.
And add a red card to the stack labeled "To Use Once Each Month": - Arrange for the kids to stay at the In-laws for the evening for a dinner date. Afterward, play romantic music and light candles in the bedroom before W enters in her sexiest nightie. Remark on how beautiful and sexy she looks and SLOWLY make love to every part of her body. Complete the experience with LM in her favorite (or preferred) position. Repeat as necessary for the experience to last a minimum of 2 hours or until W screams, "No more! Please!"
I have other card suggestions, but something seems to be wrong with the AC in here.
