I am very conscious about emasculating my husband. I admit that, at one point, I was so angry about our sex life that I took great pleasure in emasculating him with my words. I am so ashamed of that now and make a great effort to not do this. I have some pretty good failures, admittedly, but I really take this seriously. I have heard him say "less of a man" one too many times to not take it seriously.
So we are talking and I say to him:
H, I know that you would probably have it a lot easier with a typical woman. She would never want sex and you would feel normal, wanting it twice per week. I do feel badly that we don't have that type of relationship and that we both feel 'weird' with our gender reversal thing going on....
MrHP: I doubt it would be that different for me, in terms of my daily life. HP: What do you mean? MrHP: Look, you know what kind of guy I am. I would go along with whatever she wanted. If she never wanted sex, we'd never have it. HP: But eventually you'd start to feel mad, don't you think? (H is the type to put up with something for a very long time and then explode--with the expectation that it better never happen again..) MrHP: I don't think so. I'd probably adapt to whatever she wanted to do.
So then we went on to talk about his life with his imaginary wife a little more, but eventually dropped that topic as I felt myself getting worked up.
I'm thinking that his sex drive has really dropped, physically speaking. It used to be his spiritual matters messing with his head but I don't get that impression from him any longer. Not that he is "over" it, I don't believe he will ever be over it so to speak, but I don't think it is enough of a hindrance to be causing this sort of a body-brain shutdown.
Would it be crossing the line to make a doctors appt for him to get tested? I know he would freak but I also know that he will not take any action unless forced to do so.
On another note: I was reading a thread on another bb called "annoying domestic habits of your mate" and people were writing in what their spouse did that bugged them. I realized that my H does not do one single thing that bugs me, from a domestic standpoint. Such as drink milk out of the carton, pass gas in my direction, leave the seat up, throw his clothes in the floor, not 'see' the pile of dirty dishes, ETC ETC.
He is an outstanding mate. This is literally the only thing I can think of in which he does not wildly exceed all my marital expectations.
I am very very blessed. He is a perfect companion to me.
Unfortunately (for him), he married a girl who had a high sex drive her whole life and for whom neither time nor kids nor sleep deprivation (or wind or rain or dark of night, lol) has diminished it. It is the primary way I give and receive love. I adore the rest of his personality and am SO thankful for his domestic habits--which make my life easy--but there are times when I do not feel his love, plain and simple. And I sure as hell don't feel his desire.
