I must admit that I did not see that my lower (Not non existing) libido was going to be that distructive to my M. We had sex on everage of once a week, maybe once every other week. I think what hurt him more is my way of responding to his advances and the fact that 90% of the time he was the one who initiated it. I am a hot tempered person and after being in the shell during my teenage years once I came out I was not about to be shoved there again. What I did not know but learned during the MC sessions (the only good that came out of them) is that I had some psychological road blocks I had to see to be able to walk over them. I grew up in Europe where there was no "I love you" said to everyone every single moment. I really can't recall the time I heard it from my parents when I was growing up that had to do with the situation other than them being proud of me because of my educational achievements (I was the good child, my brother (RIP) was the rebel). I also did not see the physical and true emotional love between my parents. It was more of the partnership. Once I was old enough to know about sex, my dad left for US (work) and so my mom would be in her bed by herself. Once we all came to US my parents were sleeping in separate beds. Now I saw all that but I did not see how it affected my mind and perception of what M should be about. I guess I thought that being very nurturing to my H (he admits that I always was) and taking care of the house was going to be enough to keep our R going. I realy did not want to burst my bubble about not having issues/problems when it comes to my sexuality. Every time we would have fights/conversations I would hear and realize that I have a problem but the anger and denial would take over and I would reverse it to - he has a problem, he is just over sexual. After all, we made love several times a month (yeah, sounds sad doesnt it?).
