CeMar, I can actually relate to many of the feelings you express here. I have felt the same feelings at various times in varying degrees.
You made a few comments that are flashbacks for and revealing to me: - "I could have far more sex if I just asked for it. But I no longer want this kind of sex. I no longer want "willingness" as this always results in "Just Enough" sex to get by. I want a partner that WANTS to be there. I want a partner that WANTS to touch me." - "And I am waiting on her. I have been waiting for 14 years." -----
Ditto! BUT...the feelings of anxiety/anger/frustration can ONLY be salved by sexual connection. You have to start somewhere! Grab yourself by the nads and have the "I want us to be close and have a strong M so I need sex 3 times per week to retain feelings of affection and my sanity" talk. You may not like having to do it, but having sex will break down your feelings of resentment toward your W so you can begin to connect.
Waiting for your W is cowardly and, frankly, doesn't work. YOU are the one who is here, not her. That means YOU are the fixer. Fix it!
(I had to admit to myself what a coward I was being, especially since I was using my kids as my excuse. So, I faced the difficulty and demeaning nature of "the talk" and went forward. In fact, we had "the talk" several times over a few weeks before settling on a solution. We're just starting our "schedule" this week.)
Don't give up until you have tried EVERYTHING! You may feel that you have, but you haven't. And you won't try until you realize that the solution is more important than your hurt. IOW, it doesn't take a man to wait on his W. It takes a man to press forward, even when he feels that he's going alone.
Good luck, buddy. I apologize if this seems harsh. I'm really on your side.
