I know this response is coming out of order as I'm just through reading a few posts, but in case I run out of time tonight I had to post a few quick thoughts...I'm sure the others picked up on this too.
KAW I really don't think CAW planned to have the OM there when you were expected to show up. Wouldn't just "popping in" be consistent with the kind of "man" he is?
The way you decribed her behaviour when you came in screams this to me. Does that take away any of your ANGUISH at seeing the SOB there? No. But in your letter you assume that she planned it to hurt you and that just might not be the case at all.
Whenever I am not feeling well things seem to take on a skewered perception.....So, I hope you are both plodding toward recovery and can keep yourselves moving ever forward. Take very good care of yourself please. We all are rooting for you and want you to have as much forward progress as possible and you need all your strength for that. SO EAT!! Exercise, get plenty of rest and try and have some fun too!!
Are you keeping a solutions journal?
I found it so helpful (although sometimes painful) after my H and I reconcilled to be able to look back at times when we ran into rough patches to see what I might do, what I had failed to do and what I might not have thought of. Along with the obvious, which is to remind me of how far we have come.
Of course my friends here have been a great help there!!
Sometimes when so many others reminded me.....I felt downright silly for expecting so much, and seeing so little!!
Once reconcilliation has occurred........sometimes that's when the hardest work begins!!
I'm sorry to hear about your surgery, and am glad that it turned out ok. That's a big relief!
You know, I might be wrong here, but I had a thought. During the past few weeks, it seems that you and CAW have experienced and practiced more "mutual care-giving". It doesn't seem to be as one-sided as it may have been in the past.
Is there a possibility that this may be having a positive effect on your relationship right now? (Even though you both have been feeling like crap! Hope you're better now!)
It's kind of what I was alluding to in my "mysterious response" earlier in this thread. Remember how much the "see-saw effect" can play a role in relationships.
Again, hope you both are feeling better, and my best wishes to you and yours in this New Year, my friend!!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
It's been quite a whle since I've been on the BB, too. So nice to hear your sitch is moving in a pos direction. Cycler28 made a few great points:
Quote: Are you keeping a solutions journal?
I found it so helpful (although sometimes painful) after my H and I reconcilled to be able to look back at times when we ran into rough patches to see what I might do, what I had failed to do and what I might not have thought of. Along with the obvious, which is to remind me of how far we have come.
That really struck a cord with me. I should be keeping a "Solutions Journal"....how dumb to forget that simple bit of advice. My H and I are back together, as you know....but this reconsiliation period has moments that are quite hard....harder than I realized. I am often very impatient...wanting it all NOW...and H still retreats from time to time....
Quote: Once reconcilliation has occurred........sometimes that's when the hardest work begins!!
But how fortunate we are to have the chance.
Sending my continued good wishes for your health and relationship recovery! Mooka
