JUST WHEN I THINK I'M OK, I GET DRAGGED BACK DOWN AGAIN!!!
OK ... so I'm no Al Pacino, that's how I'm feeling right now. Things have been turning out good for the past week or so. My stress level at work has been on the decline. I've gotten past CAW's news she's started smoking. D19 may be moving back in with me. (... but that's a whole post in itself which I won't go into here.) D11 and I have been getting along great for the most part. Yesterday, I had even asked CAW out Friday for what would our 3rd date in a month and she accepted. (Dom Irrera will be doing standup at a local club.) We had already arranged for me to pick her up this morning for both of us to have a fasting bloodwork done, then we had breakfast out. Afterwards, we went back to the apartment so I can pick up D11 and CAW was going Christmas shopping for D11 and put some stuff on layaway. D11 & I were going to go to the library to return some books and DVD's, but they were closed for the holiday. Turned out D11 didn't get to watch one of the DVD's, so when we got home she put it in. After watching the movie and having some lunch, CAW & s-D24 showed up to pick up D11 because I had another doc appointment at 2:30. CAW mentioned after my appointment come by and pick D11 again if I want to. I said OK.
3:15 pm I knock on their door, CAW opens the door then strangely retreats. I step in. There's a guy sitting at kitchen table holding a convo with s-D24. CAW goes straight to D11 bedroom to tell her I'm here to pick her up as I walk past the guy and down the hallway to D11's room. As CAW gets on D11 to ready herself quickly, she avoids looking at me the entire time, basically confirming my suspicions the man sitting in the kitchen is OM and left to her accord she would continue to pretend I & OM. So I simply ask in a low tone, "Who's that?" to which she simple answers, "Its OM."
Well, I got a good look at him and what came to mind was CAW's words she wrote in her journal about how she felt about him.. I kept my composure. Oh how I wanted to confront him, but only because D11 was there as well was enough to keep me silent. We quickly departed, D11 headed straight for the truck without giving CAW a kiss goodbye. Carol made a snide comment about not getting a kiss and that D11 was in one of her moods. The only thing I can say about that was, "I guess so." and asked when she would like D11 back by. She said anytime you want but she has school tomorrow. I said, "I was just asking for I didn't know if she had plans for the evening." She picked up on the implication and said she didn't have any plans, so I turned and went to join D11.
We headed to the house, but neither of us wanted to stay there. D11 wanted to go to a mall 45 minutes away and that didn't appeal to me. Then I struck me, why don't we go bowling ... now that I have a face to picture on those pins, I felt like thowing some strikes! In order to get to the bowling alley, we had to pass by the apartment and as we drove past there's the jeep exiting the driveway with s-D24 in it. D11 says, "Looks like s-D24 is going to work." and at that instant the thought enters well that leaves CAW & OM alone to do whatever they want.
We went bowling and it was distacting enough to have a pretty good time and I did manage four strikes and an equal number of spares! Then we headed over to McDonald's which just made D11's day. I suggested walking the small mall we were adjacent to, but D11 has this phobia about being out after dark, so she wanted to go home. On the way home, I felt myself getting suck down and knew once we get home, it would continue to get worse and I didn't think it would be fair to D1, so I asked if she wouldn't mind if I dropped her off at the apartment. She said she was fine with it. So I called CAW to see if it was alright to drop D11 of in a couple of minute as we were heading by. She said yea and them asked why. I couldn't come up with an DB-type of answer on the spot, so I just said, "I just need some time alone." I walked D11 to the door and gave her a kill goodbye and told her I would see her on Monday. I did not go in. I did not see CAW. I turned around and just left. (My first time I didn't say hi to CAW when I came to the apartment.)
I forewarned her that she may run the danger of crossing the line where I say I had enough. My head tells me that line is drawn when she pursues OM after making the choice for a S. My head tells me how can I continue to be her friend, if what she does continues to hurt me. Why would I want to be her friend when all I get from it is pain? My head tells me I should have nothing more to do with her. My head tells me I should let her have him, because she deserves a womanizer that will end up cheating on her one day, so she can experience the pain she has caused me? My head tells me, "why the hell would you want to go on a date with her tomorrow night?" My head tell me I had enough." My head says, "Why don't I just give her the d@mn D?"
Why can't my heart follow my head?????
Some imput please...
'til later, KAW
P.S. I had some reservations starting this thread here in this forum, bu being in "Piecing" for two years, it where I have my strongest following.
