I so know where you're coming from...and unfortunately all I can advise you to do is simply talk to him and tell him what you just said to me in your post. That's what I had to do with my H.
I was so nervous/frightened to tell him what I really felt (about him doing things he knows turns me off when I'm trying to get things going) and other things that really pretty much bared my soul to him...my heart was POUNDING out of my chest and I told him so.
I explained that neither of us should have to walk on egg-shells because we don't want to hurt the others feelings or risk pissing the other off. I literally told him that in my minds-eye I could see him getting pissed off and walking out the door if I told him what I really wanted. Fortunately for me he said "No way, that would never happen!"
I too was very concerned about stunting the progress my H had made...I mean he really seemed to be making efforts too. But in reality they were pretty small, easy efforts for him to make...not really the type of efforts I needed of him. You know...spending more time with me, more time with our son, trying to help out more around the house, and touching me occasionally....but nothing sexual to speak of. I told him exactly what I just described...and thanked him for the efforts he was making, recognized the efforts and told him I was really proud of him for doing those things. But that the one thing I really needed of him, he still wasn't doing. I was still having to be the one to initiate everything, and then he'd do things that he knew turned me off sexually.
I had to explain to him one more time that I'm a very sexual person. No that doesn't mean I crave sex 24-7, or that I even want it everyday...but when I'm not having my physical needs met it certainly would appear that's what I want. I assured him that if he'd just make the effort to have scheduled nights he'd see the difference in me.
We ended up having a very frank conversation...very non-threatening, non-argumentative....just open and honest. Now granted, my H doesn't have ED....although for a long period I do believe he suffered from it, but I now know that was stress related. My point is...you've got to come clean with him on how this makes you feel, how it really does affect you, and how much it would mean to you if he'd really have things checked out.
