Call grandma? Possibly. D6 and D3 like going to grandma's house. D3 hasn't slept over there but once, and she doesn't like waking up without mommy or daddy around. Maybe as she gets older, she'll get used to the disconnect from us.
Warning: this is just me being sensitive or stupid or whiney. Please excuse my mood.
Quote: ...anything proceeding out of the mouth of a person involved daily in one of the most pervasive self serving activities on the planet (an affair), is likely a lie. You can't believe anything coming out of the mouth of someone directly involved in a lie.
That was written by NOP on another thread. It really speaks to how I feel a lot of the time. Why? Because I was involved in an EA+. It was a stupid and childish thing for me to do. I have forgiven myself for it and cut off all contact with OW for a year already, and yet... sometimes I wonder if my W says she forgives me and doesn't. Sometimes I wonder if that EA+ is going to be blamed for my M problems forever more.
Why do I add the + to the EA? Well, it has to do with erotic activity via voicemail and phone, plus the physical stuff that happened when we were together. I used to leave sexy voicemail for OW, sometimes describing my MB to her or telling her what I'd like to do to her. When OW and I were physically together (all 5-6 days a year for 2 years), we kissed and hugged and held hands and cuddled and talked for hours. So, if you were wondering about the +, there's the reasoning behind it.
For the past year, I have given my W few reasons to doubt my sincerity in trying to have a better M. I have told her that I miss her several times. I have talked with her about helping her to enjoy sex more. I have been a wonderful father for the kids.
Now it's time to talk until I'm blue in the face about everything in the M, our lives, and the future. I suppose I'll always wear a scarlett letter for that EA+, but the past cannot be changed. The future is whatever we make of it.
Of course, according to NOP, I could be lying. You'll never know, will you? You'll never know if anything I type is the truth or just my twisted version of it. Does it matter, though? If you don't like me or my story, just tune out. If you do, then please do keep sharing.
Chris: I think that Nop's statement was regarding someone who was actively involved in an affair. It sounds like you did the right thing and cut off all contact with the OW. You're awfully hard on yourself sometimes. Cut yourself some slack and relax.
Your W may hold the EA+ against you forever. That's her decision to make. You, of course, don't have to live with that potential forever . . . you could cut and run. But it sounds like you two need to do some serious talking and work together on making your M a better place before it would be a fully-informed choice to leave. It may end up better than ever. Stranger things have happened.
HD: serious talking and working together sounds like productive use of time to me - especially my past year of reading R books, observing, thinking, formulating plans for dealing with M and R issues, and seeing how different LM scenarios play out. IMO, the only obstacle is my W's opinion that "nothing's wrong." I can't say, "W you're just fooling yourself when you say that." I just have to wait for that lightbulb to go on on its own, I guess.
HP: I walk a fine line between keeping quiet and telling W what I think. I don't want to kick her while she's down (and she always seems to be down), but I don't want to live another year like this one. I suppose I'll just speak from my point of view and see how she reacts.
My H also seems to be depressed (undiagnosed). If I were to wait 'till he's in a good mood...
Actually, today at D8's violin lesson, her teacher commented that H had come up with a big smile on his face to say hello to her after the orch. concert the other night! (it surprised her as much as it did me, which is why she told me )
But Chris, since probably at least some of your Ws sadness stems from the state of your M (even if she can't admit it) won't it be more like helping her up rather than kicking her when she's down?
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