The example that you quote does not work well in my particular M sitch, where we have 2 young children whom are quite demanding for our time until they're asleep. It's a little difficult for me to say, "I miss not (fill in the blank with former hobby/time together) with you like we used to" and get any reaction from my W besides something like, "Well I'm so tired after (fill in the blank with day-long activity such as chasing/arguing with/appeasing the children) that I just want to (fill in the blank with W's current hobby to relax - currently, crocheting)."
What is Gottman's position on speaking to a W post-children, when she's a mom 1st and a spouse 2nd? I will never be a mother, so I'll never know/understand the connection that a mother feels to the children that grew inside of her and depended on her from day 1 for life. I chose my W, but my children did not, and therefore, they get special treatment.
I'm looking to reconnect with my W, but I fear that the connection will be even more difficult to achieve than the one that brought us to M. I still have hope. It's just fading a little these days.
