I hope my post didn't come across as if I was saying that someone was doing something wrong. I apologize if it did.
One example Gottman uses is if a W is upset that her H spends too much time at work. Rather than telling him, "You never spend time with me anymore. You're always at work!" she might say, "I saw a commercial where a couple was taking a walk together and it make me remember how much I enjoyed spending time with you. I miss not (fill in the blank with your former hobby/time together) with you like we used to."
The first way would start a fight that the convo wouldn't recover from. The second would create a connection and set a goal to work together toward. At least, that's Gottman's position.
