FWIW, there is a guy in WA named John Gottman who has run a M research clinic for 20+ years. He writes about avoiding "harsh start-up" in communicating. His research shows that the first 3 minutes determines the emotional level (good or bad) that the conversation will reach.
IOW, if one starts a convo complaining about what is wrong, there is no way that it will end on a positive note. OTOH, if one looks past the complaint/problem and starts with an expression of how much they miss their S, the convo won't get ugly, no matter what.
