I have the hardest time bringing things up with my H. The real tough stuff he doesn't like at all and this summer, when I wanted to talk about the OW and lies, all he would do is tell me to leave him alone. I stopped bringing up anything for a while and began conversations with light hearted chit chat. I still do this but then when my H says something that sought of touches on some of our issues, I take it to the next level and pursue it. Last night, my H was in a really good mood. He apparently had accidently (or maybe not) got onto this board and started to read some of the postings. He brought up anal S and asked me was SSM means. This conversation lead to a lot of other topics about S. We were able to talk about what makes each of us feel good. Then the coversation went on to how we should paint the living room ( a topic that always made us fight), then later my H made a critical comment of how I always want to talk and that all women are nuts. I took offense to it but didn't blow up. I merely said that we spent a lot of time complaining about what each of us did wrong, how about we focus on what we do right. He seemed happy with that. Most of the time I do not bring up our R or my needs. I decided I would bring one up at a time and when my H sort of gives me a door in. I have many things that I would like to see different but instead of giving my H a long list which may seem unreasonable, I bring one thing up at time. Otherwise I sound like I am complaining. A few nights ago this was not the case. I was bothered by how many withdrawals he was making and it didn't sit well with all my existing insecurities and our trust issues. I didn't beat around the bush and got right to the point. I did however make sure that the kids were in bed. He started to tell me to leave him alone and I told him that I listened to him this summer and probably for the first time really listened, now it's my turn. To my surprise he accepted that and I was able to tell him how I feel.Amazingly he was receptive to hearing me. I decided that never a good time wasn't a good time for me and there was just things I had to get off of my mind. Most of the time now, I more or less wait for a cue from my H and there are some everyday, but sometimes they are suttle. The last few conversations were initiated by my H and I was able to add a few things that bothered me and were related. I know you may be waiting for a while but if there was one thing I learned through all this was patience is a must. My goal is to not just exist with my H but to find each other again. You mentioned earlier liking the warm fuzzies. I like S too by like you, like the warm fuzzies with it. Something I have been missing for a long time.
