For our 15th wedding anniversary, I managed to locate the exact same Smoky Mountain cabin that we had honeymooned in (the property mgt. company had changed, but the place still looked exactly the same), and we took our family there for a long weekend. Certainly not the same -- ahem! -- atmosphere with four kids in tow, but it was nice and we even were blessed with an unexpected SNOWFALL our last nite there.
When we got to the foot of the mountain, I popped a cassette into the car stereo of the "Top Hits of 1985" (the year we got married), and when we opened the door to the cabin, there waiting for her in the middle of the dining room table was five dozen long-stemmed red roses, plus three white ones -- one for each of our then-three children. Accompanying them was a HANDWRITTEN NOTE from me (she was like "How did you DO that??!", but really not that hard with FedEx and a friendly property manager, and I also found that you can buy a LOT of roses in the middle of nowhere, cheap!). In the fridge was a bottle of champagne, chilling, and some sparkling soda for the kids, and we had a toast.
While she has seemed throughout our lives to genuinely enjoy such gestures, they were almost never reciprocated with anything that spoke to MY love language, and I finally stopped doing them.
Choc., who four days realized how hard it is to take FIVE FREAKIN' DOZEN LONG-STEMMED ROSES HOME in a loaded minivan!!!
Don't ask -- sore subject. I've been lurking here about a year, and posting occasionally, but finally mostly stopped, in fairness to the other well-intentioned posters who were trying to help me fix something that I wasn't ready to attack yet myself.
I also happen to think that the Sex-Starved Marriage and Passionate Marriage approaches that mainly dominate this particular board don't especially work well for my situation -- where only one spouse thinks there's a problem, and there is NO sex going on in the marriage whatsoever. I think it's best for two spouses willing to work at it, but with differing libidos, and also for those who have NEVER had "The Talk" with the LD/ND spouse. But that's just me.
So in the meantime, I try to chime in with something helpful to someone else every now and again, while I live in a self-imposed celibacy that mostly works for me most days.
Not a long-term solution, but has made 90% of my days much easier to deal with, and something until I decide what I want to be when I grow up.
My wife has never been romantic, at least not since our children were born. For our anniversary one year, I managed to locate an old friend on whose sailboat we had had our first date, 20 years ago. He was happy to hear from me, and willing to host an anniversary date for us aboard his boat, and REFUSED my offer of payment (he runs charters with it now). I did up a corny, romantic "Your Presence is Requested"-type letter to her, and surprised her with it.
We never booked the date; she made an excuse every time I suggested it, once saying "I'd feel stupid."
We've won free weekend getaways from office Christmas parties that she's never wanted to take as well. She's really a good person -- very strong, loyal and a great mom -- but just not very romantic I guess.
Quote: one councellor cautioned me not to go on a "renewal" cruise expecting honeymoon revival...for if that is your expectations you'll only be dissapointed.
Well, it's not a "renewal" type of thing anyways... it's just a different type of vacation than our usual 2 weeks in landlocked Orlando FL. I fully expect to go the whole week without sex and to enjoy doing things by myself, the things that W has no interest in (like the rock climbing wall!). She can do her own thing without me too. It's a chance to have fun and spend lots of money!!
Personally, I don't see anything private happening between W and I. The kids are usually included in everything. Then again, who knows what 5 more months will do to the M.
I guess you might as well keep this thread as your own. I'll just go start another one or somethin'. Is there a forum for spouses who want to whine about how unfair their M sitch is?? Hmmmmmm.
I guess you might as well keep this thread as your own. I'll just go start another one or somethin'. Is there a forum for spouses who want to whine about how unfair their M sitch is?? Hmmmmmm.
- Chris.
Oops -- sorry for the hijack, Chris!
Choc., who needed to be "wanded" for metallic objects that can be used in hijackings
Good to hear from you, sorry things haven't improved.
I know it's hard to keep doing things when they aren't reciprocated. But do you think that they are the right thing to do? If so, then keep doing them. Tell me this: if you asked your W to recall the highlights of your 15th anniversary trip, could she? I'll bet she remembers more about it than even you do, only the highlights may be a little different. You can also bring up the trip in conversation, not fishing for compliments on all the effort you went through, but just to remind her that you did it. Who knows? It might resonate.
If I may make yet another analogy: Scientists know that earthquakes are caused by buildup of pressure on two sides of a fault line. When the pressure is sufficient: Earthquake! You want the earth to move. Keep applying the pressure!
Could have initiated LM at least twice yesterday, perhaps more in the past 3 days, but I didn't feel like it. I couldn't bring myself to start something, knowing that it would be same old same old. I guess I'm in one of my LD phases. These usually last 2-10 days or so. I even stop MB during this time because the sexual urges just aren't there. It's a very strange phenom.
I have been having stupid thoughts again about how hot it would be to watch another man f*ck my W. I think if she'd be happier with that arrangement, I'd just let it go and use it as a kinky fetish type of thing rather than something negative. Then again, it's just a fantasy.
Not much else going on with me. I haven't been making waves this week since it was a holiday week with lots of atypical things going on. Back to the grind next week.
(((((HUGS))))))