Don't ask -- sore subject. I've been lurking here about a year, and posting occasionally, but finally mostly stopped, in fairness to the other well-intentioned posters who were trying to help me fix something that I wasn't ready to attack yet myself.
I also happen to think that the Sex-Starved Marriage and Passionate Marriage approaches that mainly dominate this particular board don't especially work well for my situation -- where only one spouse thinks there's a problem, and there is NO sex going on in the marriage whatsoever. I think it's best for two spouses willing to work at it, but with differing libidos, and also for those who have NEVER had "The Talk" with the LD/ND spouse. But that's just me.
So in the meantime, I try to chime in with something helpful to someone else every now and again, while I live in a self-imposed celibacy that mostly works for me most days.
Not a long-term solution, but has made 90% of my days much easier to deal with, and something until I decide what I want to be when I grow up.
My wife has never been romantic, at least not since our children were born. For our anniversary one year, I managed to locate an old friend on whose sailboat we had had our first date, 20 years ago. He was happy to hear from me, and willing to host an anniversary date for us aboard his boat, and REFUSED my offer of payment (he runs charters with it now). I did up a corny, romantic "Your Presence is Requested"-type letter to her, and surprised her with it.
We never booked the date; she made an excuse every time I suggested it, once saying "I'd feel stupid."
We've won free weekend getaways from office Christmas parties that she's never wanted to take as well. She's really a good person -- very strong, loyal and a great mom -- but just not very romantic I guess.
