Actually, your sitch has a lot of similarities to mine. I have 3 children,D6,S5, &S3. All still very small and it wasn't until recently that I have been going out more. I started going out more because of DBing and what has happened to me. I think I mentioned this to you in the NewComers forum. We do not have our MIL's on either side and finding child care is tough. I had a hard time leaving them when they were babies and toddlers. My D6 made me feel God awful guilty. I also felt guilty leaving all 3 with someone since I know how tough it was when they were small. My neighbor is now almost 17 and has been helping me since she was 11. I have good child care and right next door. I can tell you that I had anxiety about leaving my kids but once I left, I was fine and enjoyed the evening. Now that my kids are easier to manage, they know I will come back and do not give me grief (only a little). I know this is where I went wrong big time. I forgot my H, but not intentionally. I worked all this time, full-time and when I came home it was more work until the kids went to bed. I was physically and mentally drained. Then to make things worse, my H has been working nights for the past 3 years until just recently. I had a breakdown this summer that lasted through the end of September. I was already on this course when I caught my H with the OW. This sent me over the edge. It's unfortunate that I had to have LCE (Life changing event) to make me realize how I have neglected my H for so long, but he neglected me too. He could have initiated or asked me to go out. He could have included me more in his life but resentments on both sides were growing and we finally shut each other out completely. I couldn't see this and I couldn't really see how miserable we both were. I knew I wasn't happy but what I never acknowledged is that I am responsible for my actions, I am responsible for my happiness, and I am partially responsible for our M breaking down. Now that we are in the recovery period, I am feeling alive again, but it took a lot to get here. I'm going to dinner with my H tonight on a whim, after work. I was like this when we first met, and that is full of life and spontaneity. It took my H to practically walk away from me for me to see this. Maybe your DBing isn't attention getting enough. I feel for you because I think you have a lot of similarities to my H. Now that our S life is better, I can see that my H's outlook is better. He is actually pretty upbeat most of the time now and for the past several weeks. I really think the S has a lot to do with it.
