Quote: I think I need to figure out a way to be happy even though I hate my M sitch. After all, I love my kids and don't want to be away from them. There's not much I can do to change my W and her self-esteem issues, and those will be a roadblock forever, until she decides to do something about them.
Yes, yes, yes! (about being happy)
That's just it. You need to take care of yourself. If you have no other reason, then look at those two little angels you have there, that should give you enough reason!
There's no way you can get inside your W's head and figure out why she is what she is. And you can't change her.
I don't know why she 'hangs on', but I can guess: She loves her kids too. She feels stuck, her M is in some kind of rut, H isn't happy, she's not getting any younger, who cares - what's the point?
I'm sorry Chris, I don't mean to be cruel. I know you do a lot for your W. But if you're not happy, she can feel that just as well as you can.
I know it stinks big time to have a S who has obvious needs that we can't do anything about, and they won't either.
I know you've said that you feel that W doesn't want to share what's wrong with her. It may be that she's yelling out to you, and you just don't know what language she's speaking. I'm not talking 'LL', I mean that people in pain cry out in many different ways, which seem to them loud and clear, but can seem like Sanscrit to the rest of the world. I would try to listen more closely, see if you can pick up a few clues which might give you the key to start deciphering her code.
How much free time do you have together? What if you started taking Ds out for a walk each afternoon, invited W along? Kids are a great connector - it's easy to be happy because they are, and the walking, or going to the park to run around (not so good 'cause it's easy to just sit and watch) would be good for your W.
I know for me, the biggest motivator would be to have a strong, loving H who cared about me, and had the hots for me. I know if my H would say to me 'I love you and think your hot anyway' and REALLY meant it, I would want to look the best I possibly could for him!
