I want to clarify, though, that all throughout the SSM busting process I have remained a nice and loving wife. At no time did I feel free to say mean or pissy things to my H. Not that I DIDN'T, lol, but that I really tried not to and if I did slip, I would apologize. Differentiating means to hold onto yourself and keep being the great person you are, despite what your spouse throws your way. It does NOT give one license to act like a jerk all in the name of "marriage repair".
When I laid it on the line with H, I attempted to do in a kind and loving fashion. It was with great sadness and tears that I informed him that I would move on if he chose not to pursue this with me. I have had to be firm MANY times in my marriage, in order to get my point across, and bluntly honest about our sex life and the depth of my sexual longings. But I never tried to intentionally inflict pain.
And I always did things that my H would like, simply because he likes them. Why would you stop doing these things? How is that going to get you closer to your goal?
IS your goal a loving R with your wife, or just more sanity for yourself?
Maybe I am misinterpreting your post...?
Again, I just wanted to clear up what my m.o. was. Former HP or current HP, I have always been nice and kind to my H, just sometimes I have been more successful in my efforts. Along the way of becoming a better wife, I clarified what it was that I wanted out of a marriage and what I was not willing to go without. That is when I told him what would happen if things didn't change. I have always tried to remain empathetic towards my LD partner, though I still do not understand what makes him tick.
