I was unable to act as if when I went home, and W picked up right away that something was wrong. I told her I didn't want to talk about it yet, but that we would talk later. W kept nagging me to know what I what I wanted to talk about later, so I went outside.
Shortly before I needed to take the kids to karate, I handed W a stack of papers. The top sheet was a blank Conflict resolution worksheet (maybe I should have filled in some of it?). After that was the cell bill usage report, with OM's phone numbers on top. After that were comparisons of other cell phone packages - but W never got that far. She asked what was this, I said our cell bill was $40 over this month and I wasn't happy with who she was calling on the cell phone.
W said she wasn't going to put up with me telling her what to do and threw the papers on the floor. I told the kids to get their stuff, I was leaving to take them to Karate. D8 came out to the car - after waiting 3 minutes for S13 & S9, we left without them.
W brought the boys to karate, but did not stay. Small talk at home before bed - things seemed to relax, but this issue of W calling OM was still hanging in the air.
This morning went pretty well, W helped with breakfast, and joked around a little, but later this morning W called me at work and unloaded on me.
She never loved me, she hates me - and hates all men, she needs someone to talk to, I wasn't going to control her, she could do what she wanted - it was her life, we shouldn't even consider ourselves married, she hates me for what I'd done to her.
I took it for as long as I could, but finally asked W if there was something specific we could focus on. Somehow the conv lead into W's need for support and how no one was there for her. That led me into bashing W about how she had never been there for me, and how I hate her for that. I went on to tell her what an awful example she has been to the kids, showing them it was okay to lie, it's okay to cheat on your husband, that the only time she is happy is when she is acting ignorant and swearing, and our kids think it's okay to swear as part of normal language. W went silent, and I knew I had gone to far.
I don't feel any better after unloading on W, it felt good coming out, but now I feel worse.
