Couple nights ago I noticed W was spending an extra long time upstairs, so i went to see what was up. She was in our bedroom folding socks, not a highly enjoyable task for her so I joined in. As we are folding socks - W says to me, "I blame you for everything."

She goes on to tell me how every bad thing that has happened to her can be traced back to something i did, and that her future is ruined, all because of me.
I'm dumbfounded. Here I am, not saying anything and helping fold socks, and W out of nowhere jumps down my throat.
HUGE DBing action by not saying anything, I just keep folding socks. We finish the job and do our own things for the rest of the night. The next morning she's acting like she never said those things.

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BIL update. W kicked him out today. According to W, she just gave him an ultimatum that he had to have a job or move out, and he said he would just leave - and he did. W said she also told him that he was depressing her more than she was ready for - that having him here reminded her of her dad, and her childhood.

I have been supportive of W - but I did tell her that I felt like she set BIL up, inviting him down here with a promise to live and then changing her mind. My main point with W was this should have been a family decision, or at least a family discussion, and no one even really knew anything about it.

W's initial reactions are almost always angry, defensive and include a "counter attack". Recently she has been coming back to me several hours later and acknowledging the point I was trying to make. I need to remember that she is listening, but is so defensive she can't let her guard down during the discussion to acknowledge anything I say.

I need to make my point, take her counter attack without reacting to it, and give her time to absorb and think about what I said.

plk