PLK- Wow!...I have been catching-up on your thread and your wife is really all over the place. You have given me some excellant advice, but I am not sure I can offer you much.
You are exhibiting a great deal of patience and you are very good at "acting as if". It is interesting that your wife continually tells you that she loves you, but is still talking about a divorce.
I think you are doing a good job of just learning to listen. It seems to be much more effective with your wife rather than offering her "advice". She seems to need to "vent" often. She seems to feel much better after she lets everything out.
Keep working on the DBing and stay strong. Stay in touch as I really appreciate your input!