We've really had a good several weeks now, but last night - out of the blue, W tore into me with the same old D talk.
I probably had a chance to difuse it early on, but instead avoided conv. W said she wanted me to go to a lawyer with her to talk about sueing her doctor. I told her I wouldn't be a good person to be there with her because I didn't think she had a reason to sue him. W took that to mean I "was on her doctor's side". I told W she needed to do the other things she agreed to do first (file complaint with AMA and document what final outcome she wanted and talk to C about it).
Several hours later, after I returned from picking up S13 and S9 from friends house, W just laid into me about D. She finally settled down, and we had dinner as a family - at least all at the table. W kept eating while the rest of us said grace, and sat there glaring at me the whole time. I honestly wasn't in a much better mood.
After dinner W told the kids to stay downstairs while we went upstairs to talk.
She immediately demanded that I agree to a joint custody D, and ranted and raved. I sat and listened for a short time, and then started cleaning the bedroom, mostly putting clean clothes away. At one point I told W I was already feeling bad - and was in no mood to take her abuse.
W kept demanding I agree to D, I told W I had the right to disagree with her, and the reason there is D court is when couples can't agree. W was totally argumentative. After probably an hour of getting no where (except all the clean clothes put away), I took active listening to the extreme and started repeating everything she said to me.
This actually worked, after W went through her whole argument, she stopped. I left the room for a little bit and W asked if I would sit down and listen to her. I was about ready to explode, but agreed. I sat down, folded my arms and glared at her. I tried hard not to scowl, but the best I could hope for was that W would not see out-right anger in my face.
W started her whole argument over - but in a calmer, introspective type voice. I didn't say a word. W looked over at me occassionally, but kept talking. She started at her need to D, to finding herself, need to be independent, addressed several of the things I had said to her earlier and how she felt about them and how I was right, and talked herself all the way to needing a D because I deserve someone better - that she deserves to be alone, with the kids. She added "with the kids" almost as an after thought several times when she referred to living on her own, by herself, being independent, etc.
At the end she asked if I had anything to say. I had said several silent prayers and at least wasn't angry any longer and instead of saying any of the things I wanted to, I simply said, "I just want to listen".
W kept talking. I was sitting near the computer, I could tell W was in a better mood, but was getting ready to start her argument over, I turned to the computer and started looking for a funny picture I wanted to show her. W made a smart remark that I must be done listening since I was using the computer, and I said I wanted to show her something.
I showed W the funny picture and a funny movie clip and she laughed and then went downstairs. Before I went to bed I went downstairs and gave W a hug - this was serious "acting as if" 'cause what I really wanted to give W rhymes with hug, but starts with "sl".
This morning it was as if last night never happened. The last thing she said to me last night was she was making an appointment with a lawyer today. This morning she was playful and happy - despite my Monday morning blues. Her attitude was contagious and before I left for work we goofed around a little.
