Thanx Mark. It is important to celebrate even the littlest progress. It has taken me a lot of prayer and dedication to being the husband and father I want to be to survive a lot of backlash from W.
W bought a microwave - even though we agreed to shop for a good model. She called me at work to tell me, and I looked up the model on internet - and found only bad reviews. W was upset at first, so I dropped the subject.
When I got home we looked at it togther and agreed it was too small and the door stuck out too far (W bought it based on the asthetics of the door covering the program buttons), but I suspect W is still harboring some resentment that I think she did not make a good decision, even though she agrees it was not a good choice.
Sat. we went to the family friend's house for dinner - kids ended up spending the night. I went home about 11:30 and W ended up talking with friend's W all night. Everyone slept in and missed church - I took boys to a wrestling tournament, and W ended up going back to friends house and talking most of the afternoon. When boys and I got home about dinner time, W as absolutely miserable and angry. Turns out she found out someone was talking about her where the family friend H (FFH) works. W thinks that is why FFH was hitting on her - because this guy at work was talking about how easy W is.
But get this - this person was talking about her A YEAR AGO!. W was upset as if it was just yesterday. I stuck to my 180 to not offer advice, not that there was anything I could say to adjust her irrational anger over something that took place a year ago - which by the way, was when she was practically living at OM's, and what the person was saying was absolutely true.
W's reactions ranged through several cycles of hopelessness, worthlessness, anger and frustration. Her first words were she was not going to see her C anymore because there was no point because nothing was going to ever change. Other statements included: I'm going to get a job and my own place and you can have the kids. I wish I had never been born. I'm a horrible mother, wife and horrible person. I've lost all faith that things will ever be okay.
Several times I forced W to let me hold her. After each time I was able to wrap her in a bear hug, she would cry on my shoulder for several minutes before pushing me away - I'd give her space for awhile and then scratch her back or hug her again. I didn't say anything to her other than a few attempts at casual conv.
This morning she has decided she is going to be a commercial pilot. She said her father always talked about how much he respected doctors, and that is probably the only reason she wanted to be a doctor so badly, because she hates people. First OM is a cargo pilot, and she has "seen the type of life pilots live" and that is what she wants, to be able to do her job and not have to deal with people and to travel from place to place.
When W sprung this on me this morning, I'm thankful it was over the phone so she couldn't see my body language. I was able to stifle my immediate response, and told W it was a good idea to check into the local tech school flight training program. I did also tell her she should ask about their graduation placement - what types of jobs their students were getting.
