Had some trying times, and a few minor backslides, but the Holiday's were very enjoyable.
Significant activities:
W decided on her own that she would not meet this "occasional friend" that she asked me if it was okay if she visited while he was in Columbus.
At least once when I could not reach W, she later explained that she has to shut her phone off so she can avoid answering OM's calls.
W said she made it clear to OM that he needed to find a new "best friend", that they could not continue any type of R.
I took key to OM's place out of W's purse, cut it in half, and as I drove past his house on the way to town threw the pieces out the car window into his driveway. (I did not say a word about any of this to W).
W has shared several times that her wedding ring no longer fits on her finger (neither of us are wearing our rings yet).
After a minor argument, instead of demanding a D, and ranting about needing her own life, W said, "This is my life, and I have to deal with it to be happy."
Variety of trials have piled on top of us - but not yet resulted in arguments. -I damaged the frame of my car -My car windshield cracked -W's truck's windshield cracked -W's truck needs maintenance I don't have time to do, and W can't get in to shop until next week -Microwave oven stopped working -Home computer stopped working -W is getting hit on by a family friend -My major project at work got cut from budget basically putting me out of a job -We have not found a good church family, are attending a church and W likes the messages, but just not a great fit.
During a recent conversation W told me I was being mean. I acknowledged her feelings, apologized and explained I was angry about my car being damaged and that I was transferring that anger. Normally W would comment that doesn't make it okay to treat her badly, but instead she said, "oh, is there anything I can do?" I apologized again and just told her I needed to vent a little.
Some Detailed situations:
MIL & BIL arrived Christmas Eve - everyone was on their best behavior. Sunday morning I was in the process of making a cup of "real" cocoa, and set my mug of cocoa syrup down and the next thing I know W has dumped it and put it in the dishwasher. I didn't say anything but was visibly upset and stormed out of the kitchen, and W made a comment to MIL about, "there is the old plk, I'm glad you get to see what I have to put up with."
A little later I tried to explain to W that I felt she was inconsiderate of me by dumping my cocoa, she said she was just trying to clean-up, I realized I was pursuing and shut-up, which W again took as me being aloof, and mean. I just gave W space, started acting as if, one of the kids did something funny and all was well.
Couple days after MIL left, W approached me about how she felt "used" and "manipulated" by her M just wanting to see GKids. She was going to call M and tell her off. I asked her what she wanted to accomplish by telling M off. W said she just wanted M to acknowledge that W's childhood was traumatic, and that their relationship could / should be better. W understood when I asked if telling her mother off was going to get her what she wanted, or just upset her M; if she wanted to upset M - tell her off, otherwise rethink what she wanted to say. W did call M, and did confront her, using "I" statements like "I feel manipulated in that you only wanted to see the Gkids", "I don't feel like we have a close R". W was very calm and considerate and gave MIL time to respond and they ended up having a 1 1/2 hour phone conv that ended positively.
I think the significance of this it two fold. Mainly, W made a deliberate choice to NOT have the conv while MIL was visiting (she almost canceled MIL coming at all), and was able to have a calm conv after she had thought about it for a while. Secondly, W sought out my advice - and I was careful to not tell W what I would do, but give advice in a manner that W was able to accept, think about and use.
On to the topic of this post's title. A family friend from a previous church called out of the blue to talk to W about a traumatic experience in his family. He steered the conv from how he always respected her to how attractive she was, and has called at least twice more, with the only topic of the 2nd and 3rd calls how "hot" W is and how attracted he is to her.
W told him immediately not even to look down that road because that road was shut, but W continued to listen to him and let him talk. She has a genuine and real concern for his mental health due to the recent family situation he is dealing with.
After the last phone call, W shared with me how violated and angry she felt that he would continue to talk to her this way. I supported her and suggested she agree to meet him somewhere public, but that I accompany her so we are both there when he arrives. W was afraid he would feel betrayed and that might push him off an emotional cliff she feels he is teetering on. W's C thought that was a funny idea, but agreed probably not the best thing to do to him. W's C encouraged W for feeling angry that he was treating her this way. W has committed to being even more firm with him, but is scared. His D is spending tonight at our house (sleepover with our D8), and will arrange pick-up sometime on Sat. W called his W to discuss sleep-over arrangements, hoping she would be home Sat - but she is working. I am working Sat too, so W has asked to talk to me about possible alternatives to W and him being alone with kids when he picks up his D.
