Yeah, that was a pretty clear hint.

I need to spend less time at home doing my own thing. I do my own thing in activities away from home. Honestly though, I usually only play with the kids, so x-box is a form of family activity.

I have also asked W's "permission" to play - but have pushed that a little too far lately, although W has clarified as long as I meet her needs, it is okay for me to spend time on my own things. Where I get in trouble is forgetting W's LL is physical touch, and me hesitating to rub or scratch her when I'm ready for bed.

Last night for example.

I spent a good portion of the afternoon just holding and listening to W talk about her anxiety over her mom coming for Christmas, so I had built up a pretty good Love Bank credit. I took the boys to karate and dropped D8 off at a friends for a sleep over, so W had total personal time at home for about two hours.

When I got home from karate, I announced I was going to bed, but I couldn't sleep, I just HAD to get past a level on the x-box game (that thing is addicting ). I limited myself to 30 minutes (used the sleep timer on the TV) and actually did get past the level and was at a save point right when the TV turned off .

Feeling pretty good about myself, (how about keeping the x-box as a form of therapy? ) I went downstairs to get a drink and ended up standing in living room entry, watching TV. W saw me and asked for a foot rub, I hesitated and W made a smart remark so I committed to rubbing her feet until the next commercial on TV.

I went to bed and was starting to fall asleep when W climbed in bed w/ me, totally naked. I gave her a full body rub and scratched her for at least an hour - but respected her boundaries. Very sexually frustrating, but worth the investment in our future.

I could have been happier , but I deliberately chose to rub and scratch as an act of love - with nothing expected in return.

plk