Just found out what one of those bad things is. Literally as I was typing my previous post, W called and said a girlfriend from college asked her to go shopping on Thursday. I told her I was off work, and could watch the kids - no problem.
Right after that, W got real quiet and she was obviously thinking about something. I asked her a couple times what was wrong, and only after almost a minute of silence W finally said, "I've got to tell you something."
She hesitantly said, "I'm not going with girlfriend, a guy I met x yrs ago called me today and said he was in town and wanted to go to lunch with me. We've never "done anything", we've just sporadically talked a couple times a year."
W starts spilling her guts, and says she recognizes there is an old W and a new W, and she started out as the old W, but the new W made her feel bad about it. W goes on and on, saying she wants me to trust her, she doesn't want to be attached to anyone, finally saying, "I will do what ever you tell me to do."
I stuck to my 180 of not giving advice, and tell W, "I'm not going to tell you what to do."
Our conversation involved alot more, concerning her having man friends, and if she would be comfortable introducing me and kids to her man friends, W "passing tests", and seeing this as another test, and me asking if it was a "comprehensive test" or a subject specific test.
I was obviously hurt, but tried to be deliberately neutral in my comments, and I actually said very little. W would answer her own questions without even giving me a change to talk. W's conv was like listening to an angel on her one shoulder and a devil on the other:
"I'm not going to hurt myself anymore. I am fine, he is just a friend. I'm not going to do anything bad. How does this make H feel? Well H should be able to trust me. I can do whatever I want, I don't need your permission."
W finally decided she would ask her C what she should do during her C on Wed. Then she said, "I'm sure she will tell me not to go. That's what you want isn't it?"
I said W should get all the facts before making a decision, and I appreciated her giving me the opportunity to share my POV. I agreed a "third party" opinion would be good.
One of the kids interrupted W (again), so I told W she should spend some quality time with the kids, and I needed to get back to work. She agreed and our conv. ended like this:
W: Okay, good idea, I Love you. me: bye- bye W: I Love you! me: I love you too. W: Okay, bye-bye.
