Had a wonderful visit yesterday with my parents and my side of the family. 3 hour drive arriving home at 1:00 am was actually pleasant too.
Slept in and missed church, but the day started well. W started cleaning, and I did a few things to help. Just before dinner (I was preparing leftovers) I noticed W had thrown away a metal camping mug I had brought home from Iraq.
W's concept of cleaning is to throw away everything that is not hers, but I thought we had arrives at a compromise. I've acknowledged I am a pack rat, and W has acknowledged she is obsessive about elminating visible clutter. So if there is something left out that is mine, W asks me about it, or puts in in a box in the garage.
I immediately confronted W, who was upstairs doing laundry, and screamed at her to please stop throwing my things away.
I realized almost immediately I reacted badly - ok terribly, but W picked up on it and just kept going. I tried to escape, but now W was pursuing, and almost immediately W was back at I'm leaving and taking the kids. The kids were sitting down for dinner, I'm trying to politely ignore W so she will be quiet. As I sit down I ask W if she will join us for dinner. Instead she asks the kids who wants to live with her.
All three kids, without hesitation, say they want to live with me. W doesn't believe it, and asks them each in turn if they want to live with her. Each in turn say, "I want to live with Daddy". I felt sick when D8 said, "I'm sorry Mommy, but I want to stay with Daddy."
W went upstairs and I heard the shower running, we started dinner, and after awhile I went upstairs to just listen to W, whom I knew had to be devastated.
But when I got upstairs, W hadn't bothered to put the shower curtain back up after cleaning the bathroom. Water is pouring all over the floor. I grabbed several towels and tell W that the water will run under the tub and walls, and down into the floor, which is the ceiling to our living room. She proceeds to tell me she was going to clean it up before she leaves, she is going out. I'm sure I wasn't nice when I told her she was going to make another choice, without any consideration of the consequences, just like having no concern of destroying our home from not using a shower curtain.
I tried to back off and just let her talk, but all she was saying was, "we are so over.", "I can not wait to get out of here", "I hate you and wish I had never met you. I hate everything about you and want nothing to do with anything we ever had together." I responded to that one, and asked her if she was leaving anyway, why doesn't she get her wish and just never come back. If she doesn't want anything to do with anything about me, then don't. Don't have anything to do with us by leaving, and staying gone.
She left. Kids and I played a card game, finished watching a movie and watched the evening re-run of The Simpsons, before kids went to bed.
I took W's pillows, her favorite throw blanket and a sheet and left them on the couch, and started getting ready for bed.
W came home. I leave the bedroom when she comes in, until I decide I'm being silly, and climb into bed. W comes in to bedroom in nothing but a towel - I keep my eyes closed until I realize she is standing beside me, staring at me. I open my eyes and log-in to this BB (using laptop while I'm lying in bed).
I asked her to leave, she started in on what a horrible person I am. I screamed at her to leave. She stood there gloating. I closed my eyes and tried to regain composure. I finally, calmly, ask W if she can understand that I really do not want to talk right now. W goes on about being made to feel worthless or something, I couldn't listen because I was seeing red from having my calm, rational request blatently ignored.
I yell, then scream repeatedly, "Did you hear what I just said?" interrupting W every other sentence. Absolutely pointless - I know, I know. But how am I supposed to just sit here, allow her to run off and talk to OM about how her kids don't want to live with her, and then politely listen to her tell me how everything is my fault, and that she is going to leave me.
