W established several months ago that her mother was a contributing factor to her lack of self esteem, and after a horrible phone confrontation, forbid anyone in the family to speak to her mother. She told her mother not to call or send anything to us, and has enforced this by not answering the phone when she calls (caller ID), and confiscating packages sent to kids.
We've been through this, "I'm not talking to you, don't talk to me or my family" at least twice before over our 13 yrs of M, but never to this extent.
Anyway, while W was out-of-town, MIL called. Kids answered the phone (why should I get off the couch? it's usually their friends calling anyway), and it was Grandma. W would have grabbed the phone and hung up, but instead I allowed the kids to talk to Grandma. After kids were done, she insisted on them giving me the phone.
I really didn't want to talk to her, but am not the type of person to blatantly insult someone by brushing them off like that, so I did listen to her, but my end of the conversation was uh huh, yeah, no.... Rather than go into all the details, I'll just say I agree with W about her mother being a negative, selfish influence.
After MIL hung up, I told the kids there was no reason to keep this a secret from Mom, but there was also no reason to tell her unless she asked. Week goes by and all is good, until yesterday.
The kids get in the mail cards from Grandma, congratulating them on their good grades (which they told her about on the phone). And of course W's counsellor has suggested that letters from Grandma should be okay, as long as she reads them first.
So now W knows we talked to her Mom, and is giving me the nth degree about betraying her.
I've been relatively good about not arguing, but I have tried to explain that I am not going to set an example to our kids that it is alright to disrespect a parent by hanging up on her.
W has a legitimate emotional need to separate herself from her Mom, but now blames me for betraying her for not doing the same.
