MC today. Probably our best C yet. I was able to share some core things that were bothering me, and W was attentive and we were able to identify several R derailers we use on each other.
W admitted to saying things deliberately to hurt me, and I think recognized that hurting me does not get her what she wants, even if it is a D. (W has claimed we could always be good friends, and hurting me doesn't make me friendly) W shared how hurtful and disrespectful me telling her to shut-up is (I didn't go into the fact that shut-up comes after several "leave me alone right now" or " be quiet I'm....") - the point was I had no idea saying "shut-up" was so demeaning to W.
I also reviewed my Journal before MC, and read my DR Step 2 Action oriented Goals, and realized that 90% of them were being met! While that seems like a good thing, I think it also explains why I've been so discouraged. I had never taken credit for the accomplishments, and more importantly have not established new goals to continue the improvement process.
There were somethings that looking back through my journal were extremely hurtful, but I realized I was hurting already, and the insight gained from reviewing my past to take credit for what has been accomplished is encouragement - at least enough to get me through today.
I think we read DB & DR & LL & MMWV etc. and are encouraged by the success stories and practical application examples and forget our Ses have to run the race with us, and they don't have the same drive to accomplish the same things we do.
I know at first I was all encouraged and dedicated and then realized I had to wait for W to catch up, and somewhere I forget I was trying to win the race - I forgot I was even in a race - and allowed discouragement to get the best of me.
