That was exactly the point I wanted to share and get comments about. I spent the last couple months giving our R time - not work, just time.
Time erodes and wears down. For example, my car is showing the wearing affects of time, and my lack of work to maintain it. I haven't washed or waxed my car in years, and now it is rusting, paint is peeling and the car just looks bad. If I want my car to look better, I can't just wait. I've got to sandblast the paint off, down to the bare metal, start with a good primer and put a new coat of paint on.
I suppose I could just paint over the rusted and chipped spots, in fact I have. But the rust eventually works back through, and the paint doesn't match anyway.
I've been doing the same thing in my M. Instead of working with W to sandblast through all the rust and crude in our R to get to the foundation of our M, I've been hoping that time would heal our wounds. bah!
If we don't WORK, things don't get better, so I think it may be more appropriate to say "work heals all wounds". Of course work takes time, so I suppose you could equate work with time to say the adage is still true, but I've seen the same type of equation balancing that proves that girls are evil.
Fortunately W has started to realize she has to work also, and listened to MC when she went by herself Monday. W actually practiced a basic active listening skill - twice now! - by summarizing and saying back to me what I had just been talking about.
The first time it happened I realized what she was doing and told her how good that made me feel, and she admitted that MC told her to do it. But she did it again this morning, so there is hope that she is interested in a genuine change. But this is dangerous ground - placing hope in W's changes.
I have to stay focused on what I am going to do. I have to get back to the foundation of our M - my dedication to W that I would do my best to enjoy life, and enhance her enjoyment of life.
I cannot depend on W to enhance my enjoyment of Life. I'm counting on her to eventually do that again, but I can not wait on it. I think that is the basis for many of the DB techniques. If something is making you unhappy - or your S unhappy - do something different! Don't just give it time.
