Ok that does help a bit. I think I've suggested this before, but in case I didn't (and it was someone else I said this to)....focus on you. Do the things you mentioned...get fit (for you though), do the things (other than sex) that you enjoy and that make you feel good. Spend time with your kids...that one's just good on many levels.
But I do suggest you discontinue reading books that talk about the LD woman. In my mind that can only lead to frustration, resentment, anger etc. That's been my experience anyway. The more I read books....trying to "fix" my husband and his problem...the more frustrated & resentful I became. I really, honestly, had to let go of that resentment before we could begin to make progress...I had to stop trying to "fix" my husband. Now, men and women aren't that different in that aspect. If a man or a woman feels someone else is trying to "fix" them...they're going to dig in their heels.
No one likes their faults pointed out to them and letting someone know that your sex-life is less than adequate/satisfactory is pointing out a HUGE flaw. It's like telling a woman with a porcelain, flawless complexion that she's got a huge zit right on the end of her nose. You can see how to fix it...but she's afraid to touch it.
Try concentrating on other areas of your marriage. Now, I'm not saying I expect you to forget about sex, heck I can't do that either LOL. Work on communicating very clearly with her, hold on to your temper if she explodes at you...remaining calm has a much better affect in that situation than losing your top does.
I'd like to make another suggestion too. Pick up some books that help you...maybe books on communication. Not something so directed at sex, but more at relationships in general. You may find that by really backing off of the sex issue (at least visibly) she may begin to come towards you...instead of backing up.
I'm going to use an animal analogy here...cause it fits (I think). I used to train horses several years ago. When I'd have a green horse to train, one that was for all purposes wild. I couldn't expect to walk up to him with my shoulders all tensed up, stiff legged, and with a stern expression on my face. I would have to approach this animal relaxed, calm, quiet. If I did that the horse eventually would relax around me and walk up to me on his own. If I took the other approach he'd back up and I'd have to rope him...once the rope was around his neck he'd rear, back up, and fight like hell and I'd have twice the work on my hands as I would have had I taken the quiet calm approach.
I view fixing things in relationships in much the same manner. If I approach my H (or you your W) with resentment, anger, and frustration then I'm walking towards a horse that's going to fight me. If I take a calm, quiet aproach to my H, he's much more responsive. He listens to what I say, and hears much more of it than he would have otherwise...and in turn ends up eventually making progress with our problem, much like when the horse would walk to me on his own. When you take the time to concentrate on yourself, do things you enjoy and backoff of the problem you are taking the "quiet" approach to her. Does that make sense? It truly does work for me. It may not work for everyone...but it is for me.
I know the analogy is hoaky, forgive me for that...but I'm an animal person, it's easy for me to relate things in that manner.
