Thanks for the comments, it is food for thought. Here are some responses back to you: 1) I have asked my wife recently why she married me and she said for physical attraction and for financial security. So in a way, she thought I would make enough money to make us secure. Unfortunately, we are over extended and slowy getting back to financial security again, but it is a slow process. That is why I mentioned paying the bills and get a better job for financial security for HER. 2) Get more involved with the children. Our children are the FOCUS of her life(not me). She would love to see me do more with the children (I already do a lot). 3) Communication, need more of it in any way possible. 4) She wants the sex thing to go away. 5) She likes me VERY physically fit. 7) She did make the comment that I do not stand up to her, she wants a strong man. I spent to much time ACCOMODATING her to keep her happy. 8) Take her out more. Yes, must do this. Has never led to any type of sexual/affectionate event. We always return to PARENT roles after dates. Once had a perfect weekend on the 10th anniversery in a very romantic setting, where most couples WOULD get cozy. She made comment that it was wonderful to be able to have such a weekend and NOT MAKE LOVE. She said this when dressed head to toe in flannel. This is when I knew my marriage was in DEEP trouble. 10) Work on house. I believe that wife has a love language of acts of service. 11) Be romantic, speaks for itself. 12) I believe my wife is asexual, and gets most enjoyment by staying busy and getting things done, and I think she would like to see the same in me. Great way to AVOID sex and intimacy, which is what she wants. I also think she prefers men that do not need her, she does not like neediness, and if I want sex, I am needy to her.
Quote: Keep in mind whatever need it is that she has that's not being met she may not even be aware of....which makes it that much more difficult to figure out.
This is exactly the problem. This is why Dr. Laura infers that men can not fix their relationships. Asking a man to understand a woman when we are simple creatures and women are far more complex? Heck one of the womens guide books I read said that even women do not understand women. When it comes to my relationship, she is the pro and I will always be the amatuer. And yet I am trying to figure her out.
Quote: Where have you been the entire time your wife was becoming this "undesireable" woman?
I watched my wife change after our first son was born, all the fun affectionate/sexual things that happened before his birth eventually stopped after his birth. I thought that it was the business and hormones that were affecting her and I thought I could wait until they got better. 14 years and two more sons and her desire is still DOA. Hope this clears some things up.
