Yes, that's exactly what I did that's working fairly well for me too :-)
And I completely agree...a marriage is a constant work in progress and it absolutely should be. I think that's where many people go astray...they become complacent, stop paying attention to each other, take each other for granted in many ways...and then wonder why their relationship has changed for the worse.
That's exactly what has happened to my parents. They however will probably stay married...because they both feel they've invested far too much time in the relationship...but they haven't invested themselves, just time.
In their relationship I see a HUGE lack of communication. My dad will tell me what he wants out of it and what he wants my mom to do...but at the same time he'll pull a CeMar and say "but she'll never do this....or she won't do xyz!" He says this stuff to me...he doesn't say it to her and continues to harbor the resentment which only eats away at him and their relationship.
My mom on the other hand is willing to do everything but counseling; and she, like my husband, never initiates important conversations and in the past never initiated affection or sex. She tells me that she now tries to initiate sex more often, gives him affection, tells him she loves him etc. But my dad is still stuck on the...she only has sex because she feels she has to. He doesn't see that she initiates sex with him because he's expressed his need for it...she loves him, so she's trying to fulfill that need. It's not duty sex just because she's not gung ho about it, it's still done out of love for him...but he doesn't see it that way. I know my mom picks up on that resentment, so she has resigned herself to...she'll do her thing, he can do his (short of affairs of course).
It's really frustrating to watch...and now I know waaaaaay too much about my folks! LOL
