CeMar... Here's how I see your list...really this is just honest observation, not nit-picking.
1) Pay the bills on time and make her financially secure. - Don't you do this anyway? If not WHY? 2) Play with my boys, get closer to them, and correct them in a better fashion. - Um, that's not a need of hers, that's a need of theirs. 3) Communication - Ok, that one I buy....but that's a pretty vague way of putting it...work on communication in what way? 4) Accept her the way she is(she wants this not me) - 5) get into better shape - That's not a "need" of hers either...it may help her see you in a better light (maybe) but it's not a "need". 6) get a better job? - once again not a "need", it may not hurt if you feel that your job interferes with time spent with the family or something like that though. 7) Stand up to her (Working on this all the time now)- ok, is that a need of hers or a need of yours? Has she asked you to stand up to her more? And when you do how do you go about it? Some people stand up to others in a calm manner, others come across as attacking and demanding....which are you? 8) Take her out more (But nothing ever happens for me. Our dates always fizzle out) - what do you do? The same old same old? Or do you try different things when you go out, is there anything she's expressed interest in that you blow off? If so, just try it...if she's got a love for the theatre, ballet, symphony (whatever) and you hate it...will spending 2.5 hours of your life on something you don't really enjoy all that much kill you if it is something that would mean alot to her? Stuff like that can really pay-off. It shows you take an interest in what she likes. For example...I HATE hunting & Nascar personally....but my husband loves both...so, while I don't get into it, I do encourage his hunting, buy him stuff for it, ask him about his hunts...and the same with Nascar. He does the same for me. My LDH and I have very different tastes in our activities....he's what I'd call a "Good Ole Boy", I'm more of a "Cultured City Girl", both have their good/bad points...but we make an effort to take an interest in each others hobbies/interests...it really helps. 9) She wants me to get my happiness elsewhere - Is she suggesting you have an affair? If so, then I wouldn't think that would be acceptable for you...but I wonder if it's a smoke-screen so she doesn't have to deal with some things she doesn't want to. 10) Work on the house - once again, not a "need" 11) Be more romantic. This is a little hard since my wife does not like to touch me or kiss me - Ok, now this is something that can be more difficult. Has she told you previously how she likes to be touched? The reason I ask is that I've told my LDH several times what works/doesn't work for me...he would still continue to do the stuff I didn't like...is it possible you are too? I find that sometimes we do what we think the other person would like, when in actuality it they may not like that type of physical contact at all. Just food for thought. 12) She would like me to be more like her, interested in doing activities and staying busy, rather then being interested in sex and affection. - If she said that, it's a cop out...if you're assuming that's what she wants STOP IT!
Ok, that's my take on your list CeMar. Keep in mind whatever need it is that she has that's not being met she may not even be aware of....which makes it that much more difficult to figure out. I mentioned previously that I wasn't a fan of Dr. Laura...and I'm really not but another person mentioned that if you're going to listen to her then you should listen to Dr. Phil as well. That man had a point...you can't pick and choose the people you listen to simply because they said something you want to hear...it really sounded to me that Dr. Laura said something you wanted to hear (that it was up to the wife to change the marriage). That gives you an easy out...someone to blame, and you are all too willing to do that. Where have you been the entire time your wife was becoming this "undesireable" woman?
