Just read "The proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" to see if the book would be good for the wife. I agree with most everything Dr. Laura says in the book, especially the part of how men are very simple, and how women are very complex. She also says that men have very few tools for making their relationships better, and I agree. I feel like I have virtually nothing that I can change that will make a significant change in my marriage. The premise of the book is that relationships change MUCH EASIER when the LD woman is LEADING the changes. Dr. Laura has even been asked when she is going to write a book aimed at the HD men (like me) on how to fix our marriages and she basically said "What would be the point. It does not work that way". Basically, she is taking advantage of biology, HD men will change in just about anyway for a women that is fulfilling their sex needs. If the women starts giving the guy as much sex as he can handle, she can get him to change/fix just about anything. The reverse does not happen. When HD men try to improve the relationship, the LD women has virtually NO biology urging her along. I guess the best way to describe her thoughts using PM principals is that the man and women are not in separate row boats, the guy is in a rowboat and she is in a 150 foot yacht. Changes by the yacht are obviously going to have MAJOR impact on the row boat, but the rowboat can do very little to change the course of the yacht.
I hate to say it, but this is exactly the way I feel. I know I can only change me, so I must fix whatever I can. Then I have already made my needs known, and I must continue to make them better known. But then all the balls are in her court. I am completely at her mercy except for divorce. There is absolutely nothing that I can do that will directly improve my marriage, improvement can only come from her. I guess that this is why Dr. Laura says that men do not have the tools to fix a marriage. They are going against biology, whereas the LD women would actually be using biology to her advantage. Literally, women can get anything they want from a man that they hold in their hands so to speak.
I think I have seen this in other books and webpages as well. They tell us guys to fix and remove all the marriage busters, and then the "natural" sex drive of the women will return, but what happens for those many women who have no natural sex drive? The guy can fix, and fix, and fix things and get absolutely nowhere until the women makes a huge effort to FAKE the sex drive. Am I getting this wrong? Has any LD women who had no sex drive actually see their sex drive return?
This sucks feeling like I have no power over my own happiness.
P.S., please don't flame me to badly. I am just feeling more down about this then usual, especially since reading this book.
