I think that feminism does much harm to relationships. I can see it in my own wife, that she believes that men and women want the same things in life and relationships. She wants her sons to talk through their emotions, which of course men don't do. She also thinks that what SHE wants in a relationship is what I should also want. After reading as much as I have, it is very obvious that men and women have virtually nothing in common and that you have to learn what the other sex wants. She does not understand this yet. This is why I can tell her what I need from a relationship and she looks at me cluelessly. She can not understand my male needs in any way. I can tell from the way she interacts with me that she has no freakin clue as to what male emotional needs are.
hd, what did you think your W's reaction was going to be when you asked this? I'm afraid I see her statement about "apprecation for asking" as sarcastic, am I wrong? I think the more you ask such things, the more she will not consider meeting you halfway...I think that for the long haul, you might have to pretend to not be interested until she thinks you are on your way to not wanting her anymore...only then when you see results with this kind of LD behavior. And I agree, she feels crappy about herself physically and hence does not feel sexual. She's the only one who can do something about that.
Lettie: There was no sarcasm evident in her comment. She was actually kind of "loving" in her delivery. As far as behaving as if I'm not wanting her anymore, I have trouble with this approach, unless, for example, she's done something crappy to me recently. I have to be true to myself, and truly, I DO want her.
You are right, if the comment was sincere, then there is some improvement on the homefront. And if you do want her, then by all means let her know. I just wonder why she says "no" so quickly, without much thought...
Quote: knee-jerk reaction, out of habit at this point.
Could be. Kind of like David Spade in those "Capital One" frequent flyer commercials, with "NO" signs plastered all over his cubicle, FresNO, ReNO, and my favorite, the little nodder doll who just shakes his head.
I need to reframe the question: "Would you like to avoid making love with me?" NO. Allllllrighty, then! Or maybe, Would you not like to not make love with me?
Hairdog...I love the fact that you continue to have a sense of humor I'm serious though, I wonder if it's possibly a habit she's formed. See my H scowls, even when he doesn't mean to. He may be thinking something positive in his mind that he hasn't said yet...but his face conveys something completely different.
Just a thought though. Maybe we can get her in the habit of saying YES! YES! YES! for ya Or I know...you could has her the questions while nodding your head yes so she does the same LOL.
I'm not entirely up on your sitch but I have a question. Is your W generally "prickly" or is it just over sex? In other words are there other emotional roadblocks also?
I'm serious though, I wonder if it's possibly a habit she's formed. See my H scowls, even when he doesn't mean to. He may be thinking something positive in his mind that he hasn't said yet...but his face conveys something completely different.
Or I know...you could has her the questions while nodding your head yes so she does the same LOL.