Thanks, folks. Hmmm, seems like conflicting advice. Corri counsels "passive resistance" while IHJ and HP suggest "laying it on the line." At least I think they are conflicting.
Corri: basically I ended the conversation by saying "not now." This suggests that I would be willing to get "into it" later. I'm going to have to say to her that I can't really be happy in a room mate relationship for life. I am still reading that boundaries in marriage book. I'm on the section about commitment, and at least it helps me feel like I am doing the right thing about staying where I am, and not saying I'm going to leave her all the time. She's the one who, when we fight, always threatens divorce. And, when I refuse to take the bait and say something like, "fine, draw up the papers," she gets all indignant and accuses ME of not wanting to work for a good relationship.
It simply makes no sense. With my ex-W, I got to the point that I realized it was a waste of energy and time to assign any sort of logic to her statements. I'm almost there with W.
She just called, ostensibly to find out about an appointment. She asked how I was doing, which is a question that she normally won't ask. (She might say, "how is your day", but "how are you doing" usually follows either the discovery of something sad, like a death or illness in the family; or a fight.) I said, "fine" and did not leave a pause at the end for her to fill with additional questions. Instead, I said, "I have about a week and a half of work I've put off because of that hearing."
She's knows I'm upset about her "why can't you be happy" statement from last night. She gets to be happy because she can just let the relationship languish and she is getting what she wants, which is no physical contact from me. My current state of not engaging is pissing her off because it's like she wants to have a fight about this so we can be distant some more.
I miss feeling a naked body next to mine. I miss a warm hand on my chest. I miss being pulled toward a face with moist, soft lips.
I remember some girl in college told me that I was the best kisser she had ever met. Now, I can't even remember the last time I had tongue-to-tongue contact with my W.
Yes, I'm feeling kind of down today. I appreciate the words of advice and encouragement.
