Hairy,
I agree with Journey. Her saying "I'd hate to be you" really means "I'd hate to be you and be married to someone like me." She dislikes that she feels this way, whether she is willing to admit it or not.

You know, I think that the ONLY way out of your current situation is to reveal yourself. If you keep yourself hidden away from her and don't tell her your real feelings, there is NO motivation for her to change. She will continue to act out (which, curiously, sounds a lot like her father) and test you.

Why not tell her exactly what you told us? That whole line about forcing yourself on her? I wonder if she could see the parallels between that (ridiculous) scenario and her own behavior?
I'm sure she would try to turn it into a male v. female rant, but perhaps you could tweak it a little bit to still get your point across..?

There have been many times (and they still occur quite regularly) where I feel like a freak because I am honestly describing my sexual feelings..knowing that he will be attempting to disguise his shock and surprise at how I REALLY feel. I know that the rawness and depth of my desires really makes him feel weird. I can't say that I don't care (cause I do) but I refuse to let it stop me. I just screw up my courage and wear it on my sleeve.

Until I did this on a regular basis, there was an imbalance of power. He told me how he felt and I sheepishly tried to reach him with vague pleas. It wasn't until I started meeting his force of honesty with my own force of honesty that things started to turn around. It took a long time (is TAKING a long time, lol) but despite the bad times, I am still glad that we are at that place where we can do this.
It feels as if we are choosing each other, in spite of knowing the 'truth' about each other.

So my vote is to lay it on the line and stop medicating those thoughts outta your head.

xo

P.S. GGB's news this morning coincides with what I was trying to say, also.

P.P.S. Is it SO WRONG to take Benadryl so you don't have to deal with your kids??? But they're driving me nutz, Harry!!