The HD-LD has been gong on for years, even prior to the diagnoses and consequent meds. It wasn't always this way. For at least the first 5-10 yrs. of our 34 yr. marriage, we were very compatible in this area.
Things that affect our dersire:
H- poor personal hygeine (not new, but a more recent development); does little to help around the house other than cooking; does not back me up with the kids (17 + 19); has started to complain about me spending too much on groceries; doesn't come to bed at the same time I do (claims to need much less sleep);
Me- It's really hard to think of ones' negative traits tend to be a nag (am working hard at controlling this); don't do much regular cleaning, but do clean up after myself; need more sleep;
H would like intimate relations 2-3 times a week. I am more than satisfied with 1-2 timesa month.
Is there a way I can introduce better hygeine to H? I have tried many things, and so have the kids! When we are about to go to bed at the same time (a reare occurrence) - "How about showering before bed tonight?" (I shower every morning) Mentioning it when we change the towels. Giving him gift kits with his favorite scents - he will put on more deodorant or use cologne occasionally before bed. (It only masks the odor and does not make yukky skin feel better to me.) Even though we have plenty of the soap he likes, buying body wash, because he changed to liking it. Literally told him, "You can sleep elsewhere unless you take a shower."
He's really hard headed.
I often feel "used" when I do agree to intimate realtions. I feel as if I am letting myself down by putting up with the not so lean body, etc. H feels it has become routine. Well, he does ask me what I want (when he is already ready to have his way with me). I can't tell him what I want when I am see-swing between not wanting at all and hoping to satisfy him and keep him from going into either a temper or an "eeyore" mood.
Our hours are different. H - gets up at 5:15 AM, and leaves for work about 6, very seldom showering (but often leaving beard/moustache hairs around the sink). Gets off work at 2:15. but seldom home before 6. Fixes dinner sometimes, or suggests we go out. Goes to bed after 11PM most of the time.
Me- gets up about 6:30AM, short exercise, shower, get ready, leave for work about 7:20. Get off work 7-7:15 PM, home efore 7:30. Sometimes help clean up dinner, sometimes a little exercise, bed 9-9:30PM. Like I said, I need more sleep than H does. Of course, it takes me a bit to get to sleep, and I generally rouse when he comes to bed and when he gets up and dresses in the morning. Some mornings, I can't get back to sleep, so I get up shortly after H leaves.
I've tried staying up. I doesn't work. I tell him when I'm going to bed most of the time. What the heck can I change to help him feel more satisfied? Or, is there even something I can change?
