A Really, Really Rough Spot: Where do I go now?

[Lyrael]

Hello, everyone - I'm Myrrh. I've been a member of this BB for awhile. H and I were separated for about 10 months, and we went through three months of marriage counseling. I have a history of severe depression and anger management issues.

Things were good up until about a week ago, and since then I have found myself getting angry, controlling, and quarrelsome again with my H. I have complained about feeling ignored, unloved, and like the passion was really lacking between us (I have felt before that these things were fine). I talked to my H last night about these things, and he agreed with me that he is just not feeling as passionate (in general) as he used to, and confessed that he is really depressed and unhappy with himself. TBH, this scares the crap out of me!

I can help him to not feel depressed. What I can do is attempt to get back the loving and supportive environment I had managed to create before - it seems to positively impact our M when I am not nagging, whining, etc. I think I need to scale back my expectations in light of recent tough times, and understand that it will take a bit of time to get back to where we were.

So, what are my goals for my M?
To regain the emotional closeness and peace we had in our relationship.

How will I know when this happens?
1) We won't be fighting.
2) We will be snuggling a lot, and hugging and kissing.
3) H will spontaneously tell me how his day is going, and offer input on household stuff, and important stuff as well.
4) We will be doing things together occasionally as a family, and occasionally as a couple (my goal is once a month for each).

What am I going to do to help us achieve these goals?
1) Make an appointment with a doctor about AD's - I think the winter weather is making my tendency to be depressed worse, and that isn't helping me. I feel like having the advantage of meds will help me to more easily maintain my emotional equilibrium.
2) When H comes home at night, greet him at the door with a smile and a hug. Avoid the "how was your day?" stuff for now. Questions don't work with him when we aren't feeling close.
3) Avoid commenting on the following issues for a while:
a) time he is on the computer
b) things I have asked him to do and he hasn't done
c) times I am feeling ignored and unloved
NOTE: This avoidance is only for right now, because I feel that every time I bring this up, it sounds like a critical attack. I would much rather point out to him when he does wonderfully on these things than make him feel bad because he hasn't done them to my specifications.
4) Listen really well to what H has to say. Bring my frustration here to the BB, to my Mom's group at church, or to a friend (they are pretty common marital frustrations at this point, so no worries that someone will tell me to pack it in and "leave the bum!") Sage had a goal of "talking 50% less than she wanted to" - I think that's a great guideline for me, because I tend to run on at the mouth.

This feeling he has of depression scares the crap out of me, and I want to ensure it isn't the stress of me making him feel bad that's bringing it on. If things don't get better, well, I guess we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

Does everyone think my goals are fairly clear? What do you guys think about my revised expectations? Any input is, as always, welcome and very appreciated!
Hugs to all,
Myrrh