Hi again

I emailed H about telling me what his Christmas plans were. Just light and friendly. He rang me during a lesson (good he does that, I have had to tell him I am busy with a lesson two days in a row, so he knows I am not doing nothing!) I rang him back just now.

We talked about D's Christmas present. H says he is absolutely broke this month as he has lots of tax to pay. Says there may be people up at his place (nearby houses) over New Year so he could have D then, over Christmas it will be grim and he wouldn't want to 'subject' D to that.

Says he has neck pain due to the cold at his place. He is coming down tomorrow really just to get away from his place, for a break. I asked him if he was coming for the day or overnight. He said, overnight, staying at OW 1's place. Said hastily they are 'not together'.

I knew this, he has been staying overnight in the city and I knew where. I know one is not to assume, but so far I have been right about what H is up to EVERY TIME. I can read him like a book. Of course ealier this summer he said that OW 2 and he were not together, so I 'should leave her out of it', then promptly got together with her. I can't believe that H spends more time being friendly with that creep . But there you go. I guess she is not a 'financial drain' on him!

Anyhow, when he said that, I didn't react at all, just said, well, I am having friends over for dinner tomorrow, you can join us if you like. He said really, who? Seemed very interested. Said he would get back to me about that.

Then about taking D out, he makes out he is down here for that, but I think there is more to it than that. He said, what do I want to do about lunch??? I said well, he could come here, as I didn't want to go out spending money on meals out. He was happy to accept. Offered to cook. I made a joke about one of the few dishes he can cook, which D says he is good at as he makes it all the time. He said, yes, I am sick of it, I have it all the time! So I said, I'll make something then. He laughed.

That was it. I managed to keep it light the whole time and listened to or validated everything he said.

Of course I am hardly happy that he is in touch with OW 1 again. I could never accept her into my life again, ever, of that I am sure. I have had a fear the last few weeks when I suspected that OW 1 was in the picture again in some way, that H would end up spending Christmas or New Year with her along with D on her visitation. Makes me sick to the pit of my stomach. I would have to be alone (at least without family) while D is with H and OW???

As usual H doesn't know what he wants to do about the holiday season yet, it will be left to the last minute, then I will be bawled at for 'pressuring' him....

Also, I don't know how I would feel if H was cake-eating by, say, spending Christmas with me and D and then up with D and OW around, but not me. That would not be funny.

I can't escape H's nature, that I know, any more than he can.

I guess I have to have a very nice, mysterious backup plan, right??

Back to the slog of all this, what an emotional drain.

Livnlearn

"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates