LNL - first - know that I totally agree with your defense of yourself BUT defending yourself to H won't get you where you want to go. I am serious about this validating and agreeing stuff. It works.
Also remember that your H has a different view of things - and right now that view is also being colored by his anxiety about making a living. I'm sure he feels like a failure, having lost his inheritance in a bad business investment, and now not getting the assignments he had hoped for. That was probably part of the lure of the OW - they probably saw him as more exciting and successful than he really is (kind of like the failing middle manager who dates an 18 year old because she will look up to him).
It's not surprising that your H is lacking in basic financial skills - sounds like his inheritance may have been more of a curse than a blessing. (Speaking of inheritance, have you figured out what you need to do to keep yours separate from the marital assets? In the US, you need to keep it separate from all marital stuff - if you put it into a joint bank account, for instance, it is considered marital property.)
As for wanting to pursue your projects versus getting a "menial" job - that's great, but it doesn't seem like you've actually gotten that much done in that direction this year. How realistic is this? How long would it take to see fruits of your labors? If H died tomorrow, would you be able to wait for this project to come through, or would you have to get a job to provide immediate income? It may be that you have to continue to pursue this on the side, while getting a "day" job for now.
I have a really good friend who is a musician. She never made much money, just scraped by. Eventually she married a writer that she thought of as more financially stable, in part because he was older and had an interesting history - but the truth is, he only made minimally more than she did, and his income has been failing for years (in part because of progressive damage from a brain-injury accident he sustained), while their expenses have been rising with the birth of their child. Still, she persisted in the illusion that he was her financial safety net - because she just really didn't want to face that she needed to bring in more income.
As for your dinner question - sure, if others are coming, and he's going to be in town, extend the invitation. Don't sweat answering his emails unless he asks for a response again. He may just be venting. Practice your validating responses, though, okay???
