LNL- Just doing some mid-morning lurking before posting to my own place and checked in your sitch. I just had to let you know I could not agree with KML more!!!
He is having feelings that appear to cause him to "react", or "respond" to you in ways that seem out of proportion to the actual situation. IE: A bad phone connnection is not your "fault". It is not a personal attack upon him, and for him to react to it as though it is, is not in porportion to what really happened. I hope at least YOU realize this even if he does not.
His inability to express his frustrations at not being able to hear,( be a part of the day) are HIS problem and you have nothing to apologize for. In fact you were trying to encourage his involvement with your D by having her call! That said, of course you are looking for ways to keep communication lines open so you are trying diffuse the situation by sending him a conciliatory email.
I am going to jump into "shark infested waters' here and suggest you do no such thing. Unless and until he is made aware of his passive aggressive reactions you can expect more of the same, and that is what he is doing when being abusive towards you over something so small.
Now it is not your job to be his therapist, However if you still want to find a way to communicate with him without making yourself an insipid, wimpering, pathetic, victim(in his eyes).... You can do as KML suggested and send him an email but....CAUTION word it carefully: I would not go out of my way to reassure him with statements such as, "I love you with all my heart". He already knows this, he is taking advantage of you because of this!
"I guess I just expressed it in the wrong way...", YOU expressed nothing inappropriately and for you to take responsibility when none is yours, make you look a bit weak and pathetic in his eyes!! Make no mistake he will take no solice in your taking "responsibility" in fact.... he will see you weaker than ever and feel justified in his treatment of you!!
" I know you are worried about the money....."
YOU DO??? Do not PRESUME TO KNOW WHAT HE FEELS IT IS INSULTING TO HIM!! It does not endear you to him. How do you know what he is feeling?? And why do you ASSUME to know...why not ask him??????
Now I know that is tough because he is likely to let you have a real blast of non-related anger, but let him go....let him say whatever and then Validate like KML says.....
Remember, You don't have to agree with him!!!!!!! You just need to "HEAR" him. Again KML has a great suggestion, validate, don't defend.
Taking blame for what you feel is yours is a bit of a double edged sword right now...because you may be finding it hard not to feel like it is all YOUR FAULT!! But it isn't It's just hard to wade through all the passive/aggressive behavior and get back on solid ground, both emotionally and intellectually.
He tends to throw off your equilibrium!
And what's more.... I'd hazard to say, he is at least "sub"concious of this fact and uses it to control the situation, conversation, or outcome! Or very much aware he can get out of being rational because he can put it on you to figure this all out.
Kml is right about something else, if you avoid letting him SEE that he pushes your buttons it could prove empowering to you. Now be aware ....At first when he can't get an rise or an immediate apology from you his behavior will most likely INCREASE!! He is looking for the limit...the boundary...
You must be ready to show it to him.(Outright telling him is pointless, telling him what you mean or intend to do just "tips your hand" you must literally "respond" with body language, with failure to show emotion, failure to "REACT"..... This is the language he understands......your guterall reactions.......... The language he is so use to wielding, bending, MANIPULATING........YOU are the putty, the clay he is molding and playing with......
Again KML's suggestions about touching base with him during the week are great. Let him see he does not control or intrude on your regular weeks activities, that you are able to overcome and keep functioning with little uncertainty.
Show him by your actions that he will have to find another way to engage you.
