H brought D home for lunch, which was pleasant. D and H horsed around as usual, lots of tickling, giggling, laughing, shouting, throwing of stuff around. I retired to my bedroom for ten minutes, as I couldn't think of what to do in the same room. I don't like being reduced to a "don't touch" position, I am just the ex-wife. But I wasn't grumpy, just read a book.

By the way, when H arrived, he kissed me on both cheeks - again I get the feeling he was quite eager to do it, as he also did it on his way out, but at the same time it feels very controlling. "I will decide how much of a kiss you get/whether you get a kiss or not" sort of thing. I LIKE being kissed, but I wish I had the option of choosing to do it on my timetable too! I feel inhibited to do anything, lest it be interpreted that I am misunderstanding him blah blah blah.

Anyway, H went on to his skin specialist appointment, and I decided to ring him afterwards (a change for me as he usually rings me for 'chats', if at all) to ask him how it went. He says he has a carcinoma which has to be removed by surgery and after that it will be examined. He was still at the clinic place, he said he would ring again later to speak to D.

I always tend to interpret his "I will ring to speak to D" as a slight upon me - "you are not worth speaking to" - but I suppose I could see it as him not wanting to directly admit that he might like to keep in touch with me too. Who knows.

All I know is that when I go down that path of thinking, my mood gets pulled down and I wallow in self-pity and resentment, so I ain't going there!!

This week and weekend I have lots of work to do on my personal project, I just hope that H can take D this weekend, to give me time to get on with what I plan.

By the way, H says he will need to take it easy for a few days after they remove the growth (on his leg) as he will have stitches, and he says in the hills he needs to be mobile. I would like to tell him that he is welcome to put up here for a few days afterwards so he can be comfortable. Hope he doesn't see it as smothering or manipulation.

Re: work - I have decided to just have a MEGA POSITIVE attitude and do the best I can, I am SURE something will turn up!!

Livnlearn

"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates