H rang this evening. Wanted to talk about money, says he is broke, he can't go on paying me what we have agreed. He can't make ends meet on what he earns and pays me, he would like to move away from where he is, down to the city preferably, he can't afford to. He doesn't want to argue with me, but what am I doing about the situation? Why don't I approach the woman who is OW 1's best friend, she has lots of contacts and knows the people where there are jobs going. I didn't answer that, I just don't want to have anything to do with OW 1 or her best friend, EVER again. Is this too much to insist upon?

H wants to come down and live in the city, and look after D more, so he can pay me less too. I feel irritated by this, as when it was bomb time he cheerfully told me, even seemed to expect of me, that I would return to my country, he would give me the equity of the house and he would be washed of all responsibilities for myself and D. Of course, he would 'require' me to send D out to him a couple of times a year for the holidays. D was only 7, yet he thought I would put her on a plane, unaccompanied, for a two hour international flight. He seemed to want a clear path for his life with OW 1.

I don't want to punish hime, but neither do I want to have to bend over backwards to accomodate him after he has taken such a selfish decision. We are NOT able to earn equally well at the moment, why should I pretend that things are equal? And he has NEVER taken on equal responsibility for D either before or after the bomb, although he has brought home the bacon. I think anyone reading my threads knows that he is somewhat of a fair weather Dad.

Throughout the convo I just said uh huh and stuff to what he was saying. I did point out that my getting a 'proper' job wouldn't solve anything as those kinds of jobs are badly paid. Basically he has to pay a big tax bill this week and it is getting to him.

Right now I can't afford to have him pay me less. H sees me as the obstacle to his having a decent life. I guess I do resent that I have to turn my life upside down in order to accomodate HIS decision. He also promised me that he would abide by the agreement no questions asked until the end of the year, without pressuring me for a re-evaluation.

There are one or two friends who just tell me to ignore him and let him pay, he is the one who left, let him pick up the tab for his decision.

Please give me some ideas about validating without being a pushover.

Livnlearn

"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates