H called on Saturday while we were out to chat, then he rang again first thing this morning to chat with everyone, then he called again this evening after they had left, to ask how the weekend went and to tell me about his day. He had visited friends of ours elsewhere. So all in all he callled a number of times.
His nephew and wife themselves brought up the subject of H. H took D to visit them one weekend just before the bomb when I was in my country of origin for a month, working on my personal project. He told them he planned to leave me and that he would email me this info, in fact he would email the info to the friend I was staying with to relay to me... They were horrified by the news, and the apparent way he was going to let me know. In fact he waited till I returned to tell me. Nephew said he had this awful feeling he was basically repeating what H's father (nephew's own grandfather) had done, which was to abondon his wife with two young children and only get in touch on a few occasions ever again, he didn't even support them, apart from a few 'gifts'. I assured them that he hadn't completely abandoned us. But I said those exact words to him at the time of the bomb, that he seemed to be turning into the very father he despised. (At least the behaviour he despised.)
They also mentioned that he went to visit them with OW 1 in tow a few months later. They didn't say anything about OW 1 and I didn't ask.
Then, we went into town by bus in the evening to look around. As we were going along, D comes up to me and announces that OW 1 has just got on the bus with her son. I said, I will survive, don't worry, and just continued chatting to nephew and co. OW 1 was up at the front, I saw the back of her head, I don't know if she saw me. This is the second time only that I have seen her (sort of) since the bomb. Someone who was my friend for nearly ten years.
I really didn't want to revisit the hurts of those early times. But all I can say is that H managed to give me the impression, around the bomb, that even this couple somehow were "on his side", very subtly, by saying that the wife had commented on how I wasn't the woman I was etc etc. Sort of - it's completely understandable how he would want to leave a useless person like me. I am SURE this kind of stuff goes on consiously or unconsiously in order to justify to the LBS and themselves what the WAS is doing. My self esteem was in TATTERS after what H told me around the time of the bomb. It was bad enough that my beloved spouse wanted to leave me, but he seemed to have gathered up evidence from all his/our friends that I was worth leaving. I now have seen that in EVERY case this was not so, perhaps it is just what H wanted to see, and projected on to me.
I managed to pass the weekend feeling upbeat and on top of things. I must surround myself with good friends and people who will help keep my spirits high. They have invited me to go visit them, perhaps even next month.
Later
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
