Well.

I have mulled over what Ellie and Dazedboy and a whole lot of others have posted here.

I really, really do have to focus on myself now. I don't bear H any ill will, I hope and pray that he finds himself, finds his centre soon, wherever that is. I cannot do it for him.

My self esteem has suffered blow after blow in all this mess. I was thinking today, after I dropped off D at school and was walking through the park (the bike had a puncture!) that I need to start behaving like I am a worthy person once again. On all fronts.

I may not be earning much at the moment, but I AM capable, something will work out, I am sure of it. I have to behave like I am sure of it. I have been asked to do two things recently, over the internet, that will help raise my profile but won't earn me any money (in the sphere of my personal profession). I have accepted both invitations, I feel sure they will lead to more exposure and ultimately to some reward.

I need to behave with H like *I* matter, to me! H's nephew rang today, we fixed up that they will visit Saturday afternoon till Sunday evening. He did not mention H. If it comes up with H that they are visiting, I will see if H makes any moves to come see them, otherwise I will let it rest there. H has led his life the last 19 months like I didn't exist, as far as including me in anything, so I need to do the same. It is after all what he wants right now.

I am always open to him, I don't mean him any harm. But he will have to make any moves, sincerely. Amen.

Livnlearn

"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates