1) I want to have a pleasant weekend! I really do!!
2) I want D to be in touch with her cousins as she has few relatives that are her age, live in the same continent or stay in touch at all.
3) I want to stay in touch as they are nice people. I don't believe they have taken sides at all. I know that H visited them a couple of times after the bomb and no doubt told him his side of things to some extent. But when his nephew got in touch this time, this summer, he said he was very pleased that I had responded (actually I sent them a Christmas card last year but heard nothing back) and he also said that H was "silly".
4) I would LOVE H to be there *if* he could carry off the weekend with a pleasant manner. I DON'T want my weekend spoiled by bad/selfish behaviour on his part. But I can't control how H is. I know I can control my reactions, but do I want to spend a weekend "controlling" my reactions???
Are you dying to spend some time with his relatives alone, where you can talk and share about H? Or is that a conversation you wouldn't really be having in dd's presence anyway?
I didn't intend to talk about H at all, really. Just to have a pleasant time, and keep in touch.
Would seeing these relatives be a good influence on H, or are they so mad at him that they would be uncomfortable and have trouble being civil to him?
I haven't discussed H with them and had no intention of doing so. I don't know what they think of H and his actions, frankly. H told me about some remarks that the wife supposedly made just pre-bomb, that I had looked bad - tired or whatever - and wasn't the woman I was was in earlier years. That is, I wasn't the woman he married!! (backing up his contention that a separation would be great for both of us!!)
This woman last met me on a weekend soon after we moved house, the house wasn't yet set up, H invited all four of them overnight, PLUS OW 1's family and others for a party, against my inclination. There were five excited kids in the house that evening (four boys), they were playing on the bunk bed and D fell off the top bunk in her excitement and broke her wrist. So yes, I guess I was feeling a little overwrought and harassed...
If you think things would be comfortable between H and his relatives, then why not give him the option to come? Maybe having other adults there could help "break the ice" between you two.
I was thinking maybe mention them coming but leave it up to him to ask if he can come too, at least I won't get the "I'm your ex-husband" routine again. I think.
And maybe H will decide sleeping on the floor is so uncomfortable that he wants to climb in bed with you instead ...
...and pigs might fly, at this stage!!
Seems to me there's a bit of a disconnect (gee, big surprise) between what H SAYS and what he DOES. Although he's SAYING he's your EXH, this is the third weekend now in a short time that he's asked to come and stay.
You know, H has often described one of his friends as a 'cat', someone who only does things to please himself or for his own comfort. But that is exactly what H is like! He told me on the phone this evening that his house is cold. He has no OW there, so now he needs somewhere to go! No doubt, he feels that as he is paying the mortgage on this house here, he should get the benefits too.
I can't help but think he's testing the waters. You admit yourself you weren't at your best last time. How about letting him come and see you through other people's eyes, as the charming and entertaining hostess?
I wasn't at my best 'cause H wore me out with his stuff. It is almost impossible being all that (charming and entertaining ) with the H stuff going on as well...
I'll have to think about this more...
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
