Last night I was reading D a bedtime story (Harry Potter) when H called. First, he talked about getting a piece of equipment back off a friend to use with his latest new purchase, then he asked to speak to D, whom he saw only that morning...
So this morning I sent him a one line email about this piece of equipment, and he replied with a line, and I replied again with a line. Will leave it for now.
I realise at this point, any contact is better than no contact, if it comes from him. After all, those Rs with the OW always start with "innocent" chat about politics, the weather and suchlike, right?
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
This morning as I dropped my D to school, an American woman came up to me to chat about the election results and her feelings about them. (She's a long way from home, LOL!)
This is a woman I have only spoken to once before, for about five minutes last year. I had got the impresssion she was married to a local man, and she has two kids in the same school as D. Last year when H and I were picking up D from school, I saw this woman and my H say hi to each other briefly, I got the impression that they had probably met in company while H was moving around with OW 1, who has friends in mostly ex-pat circles.
Anyway, this woman and I started chatting, and I found out that she too is separated, and has been for five years. Life hasn't been easy for her. I told her I had been separated for 19 months and she winced and said, so it is still raw then. Most people who haven't experienced separation think that after a year one should have moved on.
Then, I mentioned to her who my H was, and I could see a range of emotions cross her face. I asked her, why the strange reaction, and she said, she had only ever spoken to H once or twice last year, and he had mentioned being separated, and that from what she could tell, he was a (she was struggling to find the right word here!) difficult person, and that she could understand I might be having problems!!
Anyway, we exchanged telephone numbers and agreed to meet up and talk at length sometime.
How funny, I always thought of this person as somehow intimidating to appoach, and I was also apprehensive in case she was a friend of OW 1's. I still don't know whether she is or not, actually. I imagine she has met her, at the very least.
Last night I went to see Farenheit 9/11 at the cinema where they show films in their original language. I was worried about bumping into OW 1 there, but didn't. One of these days it's going to happen, and I know I won't be able to do anything but just stare straight through her and carry on.
Yesterday, H called to ask whether my internet service provider was OK as he had some problems. Then he said, I'll call this evening to speak to D. (He usually calls every two days...) I said, we won't be in, sadly!
I must be unavailable much more!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
This morning I went and bought bread from a shop that is just near where OW 1 lives. When H was staying there a little earlier this year, he brought me gifts of some VERY nice speciality bread from this shop, and I asked where it was. Decided I liked the bread too much to worry about bumping into OW 1 ever, I will NOT have my life cramped because of her!
Then, while still in town I spotted the H of OW 1, and I avoided having to go up to him to say hi. I don't know what to say to him, and don't bear him any ill will, just don't feel comfortable.
First thing this morning I emailed H a brief line, asking if he wanted to discuss the film Fahrenheit 9/11. I didn't get any reply for ages. Thought, I won't crowd him, if he wishes to reply, he will!
The telephone rang this afternoon, with H asking, do you want to talk about the film?
I was a bit taken aback, and said, what now, on the phone? Could have been a little more graceful on that one! Anyway, we did chat about it for a bit, then he said he would ring D this evening. Again, after only one day. H is lonely. OW 2 must have left, I supsect.
Another thing, H has asked twice now, are you having D this weekend? Well, as he had her the last LONG weekend, the answer is YES, but he seems rather forlorn.
This is difficult, being friendly, but not too available. I have a couple of things lined up for this weekend. I intend not to be needy, and to keep busy. Let's see where the chips fall.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
H rings me up again , to tell me about a small detail he spotted in a DVD he is watching.
I asked if he was watching the afternoon show? He laughed, and said he didn't have any work this afteroon, and it was boring and lonely up there - "you know how it is". Well, actually, I don't know what it is like up there, seeing as I have never been up there, H!!
But yes, it is boring and lonely when you are away from your family, huh, and your friends are busy, I know that. Had a bit of experience of that!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
So he's lonely and reaching out - don't pursue, but do be available. Sound happy to hear from him when he calls. (even while you let him know all the great GAL things you are doing.)
If he talks again about the weekend - could you extend an invitation for him to come down and accompany you and D on one of your outings? As long as you sound busty and happy,(oops - I meant BUSY - altho busty might work too ) and like it doesn't really matter to you if he accepts or not - this might be good to do. My thinking here is, H sounds like he might be fishing for an invitation - and we know your H doesn't do well alone, don't want him to feel so abandoned that he starts up with an OW#3.
Quote: If he talks again about the weekend - could you extend an invitation for him to come down and accompany you and D on one of your outings? As long as you sound busty and happy,(oops - I meant BUSY - altho busty might work too ) and like it doesn't really matter to you if he accepts or not - this might be good to do. My thinking here is, H sounds like he might be fishing for an invitation - and we know your H doesn't do well alone, don't want him to feel so abandoned that he starts up with an OW#3.
LOL Ellie! Got to figure out how to sound busty ...
As for H getting an OW #3 - horrors! I think I'd be too sick of the roller coaster by then.
I feel this might be a critical time. Got to play my cards right.
I will see about issuing a casual invite, not sure about this weekend though. I think it might sound a little too eager, unless he hints at it further.
One more thing - one of my weekend "dates" is a group lunch for the first birthday of the son of the 'pimp'!!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
